"Yes, Your Majesty."

A few days ago, my daughter was joking around and responded to something I told her to do with "Yes, your Majesty." She was not being disrespectful in any way, but it did get me thinking...

How do we respond to God when He is requiring our obedience?

We know from Scripture that He is the King of Kings (Psalm 5:2; Psalm 24:8; Isaiah 43:15; 1 Timothy 6:15; Revelation 17:14; Revelation 19:16). We also know that if we are in Christ we are adopted into God's family as His children and are now heirs with Christ (Romans 8:15-17; Ephesians 1:5; Galatians 4:7; James 2:5).

This means that we are considered princes and princesses. This means that our Father is the King of Kings.

As parents, we expect our children to obey. We expect them to obey, not with grumbling and complaining, but with a "Yes, Mom." or "Yes, Dad." Why? Because Scripture tells them to honor their parents.

But as adults, do we honor our heavenly Father by obeying, not with grumbling and complaining, not with questioning, not with doubt and fear, but with "Yes, Your Majesty."? After all, He is the King and anything less than obedience is treason against the King - in other words, sin.

Cells of Faith

These past couple weeks I've really been struggling with trusting God. As my husband and I prayed about and eventually made the decision for me to quit my job, fully based on what we believe God wanted us to do, the struggle began. I was starting to struggle all over again with trusting God over our finances.

WHY? 

Has God not just spent months showing me He is Jehovah - Jireh (the God who provides)? Has He not just spent months proving to me His faithfulness?

Yet, here I am, starting to stress all over again. Starting to lose faith and wondering how I was going to figure this out. 

Do you see the problem? Yeah, I know. I was trying to do it myself again. 

I spent this last weekend at a women's retreat for our church. As part of the team, I had spent months helping prepare for this retreat and even writing a talk to give on the weekend. God taught me so many things, even through my own talk, but one of the most memorable things I learned is this:

laminin

Maybe you know what this is, but if you are like me and don't know much about science, let me tell you. 

Laminin is the protein cell that is the foundation for all of our other cells to function. It is what holds us together. 

So you're thinking, "Great, what's so exciting about that?" Oh, but wait, let me show you what laminin looks like

This is a scientific diagram of what the cell structure laminin looks like. 

This is a picture of an actual laminin cell structure.

Are you as excited as I am to know that Christ is written into my very being? That the stuff that was made to hold us together is in the shape of the cross, a reminder of what Christ has done for us? But even more exciting is to know that this has been there, a part of human beings since the beginning of Creation!

Wow!

Let me just say that I love how the more I learn about God's design for Creation the more awestruck I am at His glory. Wow!

As I sit here reflecting on His great glory and how He intricately designed His Creation to point back to Him, I wonder how can I doubt His work? How do I get to a point where I think that the Almighty God, who not only knew, but planned for me to be His would not care about my needs, or not see that I desperately need Him? Especially, when He has asked me to take a step of faith that requires me to trust Him. 

He is the very center of my being. May He always be the very center of my life.

A Moment to Reflect and Prepare

This morning I was at McDonald's meeting someone to pick up a special birthday cake I had made for Gideon's birthday party. As I sat there by myself waiting, I had a chance to reflect on this past weekend, past week, and then the past couple months.

I couldn't help but smile as I thought about all the overwhelming blessings God has given us throughout this time! My heart is so full of joy and love and peace. I realized that one of the greatest blessings is that He has opened my eyes to see Him working in me and around me, and He has let me be a part of that work!

But as I pondered this it occurred to me that while I would love to be in this place where I can literally feel His blessings raining down on me for the rest of my life, that is unlikely. What is likely is that I am going to face times when I can't see Him as clearly. When I don't feel His arms wrapped around me.

Immediately, I began to pray:

God, thank you for allowing me this time of special blessing! Thank you for opening my eyes to see your handiwork so clearly and allowing me to be a part of it. Joy is overflowing from my heart as I sit here thinking about all you have done in the last couple months. I know there will come a day when I can't see you working in me and around me so clearly. I know I am going to face hardship and struggles that will test my faith. When that time comes, Lord please help me to remember this time right now! Please let me look back on your faithfulness and stand in truth. Please give me the desire to see your blessings all around me, even when it seems that I have to search harder. As I look back at my journey, I remember very dark times when I allowed my emotions to cloud the truth. I don't ever want to go back there! No matter what, I want to praise Your name! Please allow me to praise you through anything and everything as you lead me through a world that is not my home.

Though it sounds pessimistic, my joy was not gone or fading. Rather, I was coming to terms with the reality that I needed to prepare for what was in store. It is often said that after every spiritual high there is a devastating low - oddly, my highs seem to come just after the darkest times in my life, but no matter. The point is, the road will get hard. I know this, I have experienced this many times. But I don't want those experiences to be the same. I want the next time to be different. Rather than turning my focus inward, I want my focus to remain upward, still giving God the glory, still praising Him for His many blessings, still joyful knowing that I have not gone beyond His outstretched arm!

Just Hold My Hand...

The old saying, "The best things in life are free" could not be more true after the wonderful little moment I had yesterday.

We were at my parent's house and I was sitting on the couch when Gideon came to settle in right next to me and hold my hand.

Oh, I probably sat there with the most ridiculous grin on my face. It was like being in 8th grade and you just found out the boy you like likes you too. My heart was stolen by a 4 yr. old.

It's the week in which we celebrate Valentine's Day. I enjoy this time of year. My husband and I don't do anything incredibly special, but I enjoy thinking about the people I love a little more - trying to do something special for them. But most of all, I enjoy thinking about God's love for us. After all, His love is perfect and completely incredible!

I was thinking about how ridiculously joyful I was when Gideon sat there holding my hand, and then how ridiculously joyful I am when my husband holds my hand. And I thought, that's how I want my relationship to be with God - that I just can't wipe the smile off my face when He's right there, holding my hand. That my heart will be filled with joy knowing that the One who loves me most is with me always, holding me in His hand.

Just thinking again about that little handsome boy who just steals this mommy heart each day and that he would want to just sit and hold my hand, is bringing back that smile of a heart that is overflowing. Thank you Lord, for these sweet little moments that remind me of Your love.

Amazing!

It's been a little over a month into this new year and you may remember that this year my theme is Focus. You can read about that here. I thought I might give you an update on how it is going. 

When I began the year with this theme of fully focusing on God, the intention was that it cover all areas of my life. I started with areas that I knew needed some work and decided that I needed to take what I knew that God's Word says about that area and get practical living out that truth. All the while, trying to stay tuned in to Him to see other areas that need work and to not miss any opportunities to show Jesus.

Giving and our budget in general is an area that my husband and I both agreed we needed to get right before God. So this year, we made that a priority and got to work getting our budget in order and cheerfully giving out of the abundance of God's blessing. - It is important to note, because I believe this has been part of our growth process, that this is not to say that we are rich. In fact, my husband has been unemployed since Christmas and I only work part time. As you can imagine that makes taking care of a family and paying bills quite difficult, and honestly in the past when this has happened, it has been difficult. However, in the past I had been trying to figure it out all on my own. As I have been trying to put my focus upward, I have been reminded that everything I have has been given to me by God and all of it is blessing in abundance. Because He has given it to me, I can trust Him with it. What an ENORMOUS weight has been lifted off my shoulders!!! Seriously, I don't think I can remember a time not being stressed over finances. But now when that stress starts creeping in, I remember that I can trust God and then I do. Wham, Bam, Thank you Ma'am. Stress gone! Honestly, you should try it. 

Oh, but that's not even all! Not only is the stress gone, but trusting Him means that I also trust Him to do what I believe He can do... for me. For a long time, I would hear stories about how God would provide for people by having others randomly and/or anonymously give them money. You know without asking for it, just giving it to them. I believed God really did this, but I believed it with jealousy not believing that He would do it for me. How long have we struggled with finances, yet He had never done this for us? Now there are two things I have to say about this. First, that I now see that it had never happened for us, because I never believed it would. Second, I can now say He has done that for us!!!!!! I knew that to say I was going to trust Him meant I had to believe He could and would provide in whatever ways He saw fit, and He saw fit to have that happen to us not once, but 3 times in just about a month's time!!! God is amazing. 

Moving on, 

Parenting - We all hope that we will be good parents and most of us are very intentional about being good parents. But just being a good parent wasn't enough. I want to be a biblical parent. I want to parent my children in a way that brings the focus back to Scripture. Every. Single. Time. Why? Because I believe that it is that important. Now, I am not saying that I have been the perfect parent in this last month, but what I can say is that there has been major change here. I have caught myself mid-yell and stopped to apologize to my children and start over the right way. Even more importantly, trying to stay focused on biblical parenting has opened my eyes to be able to see the root of problems more quickly and clearly. This has really helped in being more effective in discipline. 

I've also been praying for my children on a regular basis. You may remember that I have chosen specific Scripture to pray for every person in our family. It's been really cool to pray Scripture over each of them. They not only know that I am doing this, but I have it out in the open, so my older ones who can read even know which Scripture I am praying for them. We have had great discussions about this at times during the discipline process when I have reminded them of the Scripture I am praying for them and what it means. I have to tell you that talking to my kids about Scripture and theology has shown me how much they really do understand, even with how young they are - just further proof that this has more to do with the Holy Spirit giving us understanding than it does our age, education, or anything else. 

Have I said that God is amazing? Well, He is!

Last, but assuredly not least, God has done tremendous things in our marriage. One biggie - He proved me wrong. Now that may not seem like a good thing to anyone else, but trust me, it was a great thing! You see, my husband made some promises a few months ago, that in my anger with him, I refused to believe. The other day, it hit me, like a slap in the face - he's been keeping his promise. I was wrong. Intertwined with proving me wrong, was another biggie - the promise my husband has been keeping - which is to allow God to lead him in leading our family. It has been amazing. God has been amazing and I know He will continue to be just that. AMAZING!

A Vision For Life

If you have been reading my blog, then you know that this year I have set out to really start focusing on God in everything I do. It has already meant making some really tough decisions. That being said, it's not easy. Earlier this week, I was praying about one of these tough decisions and asked God, "When does it start getting easier? When will I get "there"?" ("there" meaning that point where you trust God without even a hint of doubt, where everything you do is Christlike and you would honestly have to work harder at sinning than being Christlike). I wanted to know, when will I know if I have gotten "there", so I asked my question and here is what happened:

Immediately after asking, I was given a vision that I am going to do my best to describe to you -

A man was standing next to me. He had long gray hair held back in a low ponytail. He also had a long gray mustache and beard. He was dressed in a light blue and purple robe-like gown. I knew this man represented the Holy Spirit. He spoke to me as if directly answering my previous question. I could hear his voice, but it was not coming from the man's mouth. As I heard him speaking, we turned to look behind us and he stretched out his arm to show me myself in the past. I was dirty and wearing rags. I was hunched over and a long thick chain was attached to my heart. The chain hung down to somewhere I could not see, but I could see that it went through fire. Both the chain and me had been blackened by the smoke of the fire. The man was saying, "Your heart was bound by sin to the pit of hell." As he continued to speak, we turned back around, and we were standing in the front entrance of a castle. I had been cleaned and given new clothes. "You were bought by the King to serve Him. I was given to you to help prepare your heart. Until...". While the man spoke these words I saw he and I working to serve the King together. It had been years and we had grown close. He was my most trusted friend. At one point we stopped and were looking at my heart. It looked like the actual organ in our bodies. Most of it looked like new healthy tissue, but some of it, while now clean, still remained damaged. We were assessing which of the damaged areas we were now going to begin working to prepare (the new healthy parts, had been changed over those many years). "...He determines that you are ready." This time the words were coming directly out of the man's mouth and he was speaking directly to me. I was ushered into the throne room. The room was long with a very high ceiling. The walls were ornate with paintings of His Creation. There were six marble pillars, three on each side that stood floor to ceiling. At first my view was from behind the throne, which sat up on a sort of stage with steps leading up to it. It was very tall and made out of gold. Then my viewpoint went around the room to where I was standing, as if seeing it through my eyes. As I looked toward the throne all I could see was the brightest, whitest, purest light I had ever seen. I knew I was looking upon God's holy face. In that brief flash of light, the vision was over.

Although it may seem like it was very long, It probably did not last more than a minute.

I immediately understood that God was answering the question I had asked. The answer was that like He promises in Philippians 1:6 that "He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of completion." That day of completion is the day that we are called home to be with Him.

But just as I had looked at my heart in the vision and could see that there were still parts that were damaged, yet He had determined it was time; when He calls us home, there may still be areas of our lives that are damaged by sin and still need to be renewed in Christ, but all of our heart has been washed clean by Christ's blood.

We will not reach Christlike perfection here on this earth, but as we live to serve our King we need to be working with the Holy Spirit to allow Him to prepare our hearts for the day we stand face to face with Holiness.

Basically, the answer to my question was that when I get "there", I will not longer be on this earth. Which means that my whole life will be spent becoming more and more Christlike because He promised to continue the work He started. That may seem daunting to some, but I had such great relief!
I'm not sure if it was relief that I don't have to hold myself up in comparison to someone else who I may have thought has made it "there" (because really they haven't) and be overwhelmed by the areas of my heart that I know still need renewed. Or if it was the refreshing hope that as I continue to work closely with the Holy Spirit, allowing Him to assess the areas of damage and guide me, and walk in obedience, serving my King, He will continue to renew those damaged places until the day He calls me home.

I know the road ahead will be long and tough. But I continue on with fervent zeal and eyes fixed on Christ alone!

Miracles DO Happen!

This has been a tough week for me. Well, I guess a more accurate statement would be that this would normally have been a tough week for me.

At the beginning of this week, I finally agreed with God that there was something I need to talk about to someone, anyone. It was a sin I had been holding back, wanting to keep it a secret, even though God has really been working on me about his throughout the years, it had gotten to the point where it's only hold on me was the fact that I wouldn't talk about it. Well like I said, I agreed that I would talk about it this week, so I made a date with someone to talk about it. That didn't work out, because of the next thing I'm going to talk about, but anyway, since I knew I couldn't meet up with that person this week, I made a last minute decision to tell one of the women at Bible study Tuesday night.

I was scared, but had an amazing peace as I just opened up and let her in to that place only God, my husband, and I knew about.

Josh and I made a commitment to really get our finances in order this year and be better at sticking to a budget, something that is difficult for both of us. So Sunday night we sat down and went over our budget. We thought we had it all figured out. We were wrong. I'm still not really sure where we went wrong but by Tuesday our bank account was so messed up and we were left with not even enough money to put gas in the car and Josh had an interview this week and I have to work this weekend.

Let me tell you, my first reaction was to be riddled with anxiety. What was I going to do? I had no idea how to fix this. We had some money in our paypal account, but that takes days to transfer. We got the process started, but then we had to sit and wait. I'm not really good at waiting, but what choice did I have?

The more I thought about what was happening, I realized that God was putting me in a position where I had to trust Him. See, I'm a "I'll take care of it" kind of person, but this time there was just nothing I could do, and honestly I'm thankful. Realizing that I could do nothing but trust God, really lifted the burden off of my shoulders and again I had peace. No, we weren't out of the woods yet, but I had peace.

A gracious friend allowed us to borrow a can of gas, thank you so very much! But here's the miracle: Josh put that gas in the car before he went all the way out to Westlake for his job interview. Now I work every weekend in Olmsted Falls, so we know that to drive there and back takes about 1/8 of tank of gas, but when I got in the car this morning to take the kids to school we had exactly the same amount of gas as we did when he put the gas in the car! It was like we hadn't used any. And yes, I know for SURE that my gas gauge works.

It was a miracle! You may think that's small, but it was huge for us. It was confirmation to me that God fulfills His promises:

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." - Philippians 4:6-7

Maybe we can't figure out what we did wrong because it was just something God allowed to happen to test our resolve to trust Him. I don't know, but whatever it is I am glad it happened. Yes GLAD it happened, because it forced me to lay it all down before God and trust Him. And not only did He come through on His promise to give peace, but He game much more!