In Love... In a Different Way

I'm finally writing a blog about what God taught me last weekend at a women's retreat.

At least a week before I was supposed to go on this retreat, my relationship with Christ started to feel dry, almost forced and non-existent. Reading my Bible seemed more like a chore, one that I didn't particularly feel like doing, but did any way. Attempting to focus enough to pray seemed impossible. And my character was anything but an example of Jesus.

During that week, I began to notice little things that made me realize how much I love my husband. Better yet, how much I am in love with my husband. I couldn't help but think about how when he is gone, I long to talk to him, even if only for a few minutes. When I am angry with him, I want nothing more than for him to just wrap his arms around me and hold me close - and as I melt like butter in his arms, forget what I was angry about in the first place. On days I actually get to take a nap, I sleep on his side of the bed, just so I can smell him and feel like he is there. I will drop anything to spend time with him.

I tell you all that to say, I was longing to be in love with Christ in the way I was with my husband. I wanted to have that same longing and desire to be close to Christ. I wanted to really be able to say that I would drop anything to spend time with Him because I couldn't think of anything better to do. But the truth was, I could find all kinds of better things to do.

My prayer going into this retreat weekend was that I would fall in love with my Saviour again. That I would feel the same way towards Him that I did towards my husband. But instead God showed me something different, something better!

God is everything to us and for us. He is our lover, saviour, friend, father, comforter... I could go on forever. I already knew all this, but what He showed me over that weekend was, that I didn't need to compare my relationship with Christ with the love I have for my husband, because He has given me that love for him at this time for a reason. At this point, in my life, God wants me to be in love with Him in a different way than the love I have for my husband. He wants me to be daddy's little girl. His little princess, who adores Him in every way.

You see, God is everything to us, but He doesn't necessarily play all those roles at all times in our lives. At certain times we need Him in different ways, and He knew I really needed Him to be my daddy right now.

This was confirmed to me in so many ways over the weekend that I will not share them all, but most assuredly in the picture He gave me as I prayed during communion. I asked God to show me how to be in love with Him. To show me what that would look like, and He gave me a picture of me sitting on His lap (yes as an adult), like a little girl who was just adoring her daddy and spending time with Him. I was so happy to be with Him, I couldn't stop talking about everything that was going on in my life, both good and bad. All the time with a big smile on my face, even as I cried and He comforted me when I got to some of the rougher parts. But I was just so happy to have His attention, to be with Him, to sit on His lap and adore Him. I was in love with my daddy!

That picture spoke to my heart, like no other. Because He knew what I needed Him to be right now, and He knew that as much as I love my husband, I did not want it to come before my love for Him. So He gave me both! God is so awesome!

A Test of Trust

This week God is really testing my trust in Him. Josh and I have been looking to buy a house. We found one we liked, rather quickly, at a very low price. We even had someone who does construction type work take a look at it and tell us that it was a great buy! So what's the problem? Well, when we began this process, I told my husband that I was praying for a miracle. I need to know that this is God. I need to know that when we make a decision as important as buying a house that we are really following where God is leading.

So back to the house. We loved it. It has fantastic gardens, a full finished basement, and was just overall sooo cute. My husband and I were so excited that we were about to get such an awesome deal, because the price was really good. We started going through the process of pre-approval and BAM! we hit a road bump. You see although we have some rough credit history in the past, one of our biggest problems is that we no longer have enough debt to buy a house.

No, you did not read that wrong. Over the last two years, Josh and I have been working on paying off our accounts and closing them. To the credit world, this is a problem. Now that we are almost debt free, it is our lack of current revolving credit accounts that is hurting our chances of getting a house.

Not only does that mean we cannot go forward right now and purchase the house we like, but worse we are being faced with a major decision to make. Our choice is to either do what the world (including many close friends) are telling us and open up some more credit cards to use and pay on regularly to help build our credit, or to do the right thing and continue working our way to a credit-free life.

This has come as a huge slap in our face, during a time when we thought we were finally gaining ground having made the right choices. We were upset, grieved, completely disappointed. But then I realized something that almost immediately changed my attitude

GOD'S PLAN FOR MY LIFE IS BETTER THAN MINE.

Sometimes I need to be reminded that even though my plans and ideas sound soooo good, God's are always better. Remember that from the beginning I said that I needed to know that this was from God. I needed a miracle. Yeah, it probably would have seemed like a small miracle, or at least a good stream of coincidences had everything worked out the way we wanted them to, but they didn't. I have to believe that God has something far more marvelous in store. I said from the beginning that this has to come as something where I have no room to take the credit. To be honest had it worked out, I probably could have found a way to take at least some of the credit.

Even though all of this hit us just last night, I am at peace about the situation. Why? How? Because I'm waiting for God's better plan to come into place. I may not know what His plan is, but I do know that it obviously wasn't mine, so it must be even better than I can imagine.

Stay tuned for a miraculous update...

Faithful to the Faithless

"If we are faithless, He remains faithful, for He cannot deny Himself." - 2 Tim. 2:13

How often do we fail to remain faithful to our God? How many times do we seem to forget to trust Him when things get hard? How frequently do we stray from His commands?

Oh, but even more importantly, how wonderful is it to know that our God will remain faithful even when we are faithless!!

Why would He continue to be faithful when it seems we have forgotten about Him? Why would be hold to His promises, when we doubt they will come true? Why, because He cannot do anything other than be faithful! Our God is perfect and unlike so many people we know, His Word is His bond. When He makes a promise, He must be faithful to fulfill that promise because if He did not, He would be denying Himself.

Too often, we deny Him. Too often we doubt. Too often we try to put our lives into our own hands. Thank the Lord, He continues to carry out His plan, His promises!

Imagine for a moment where we would be right now, if God decided one day to say, "Fine, if you will not have faith that I will carry out my promises to you, then I won't. If you don't believe I can use you, then I won't. If you don't think I can restore you to righteousness, then fine, I won't." Whoa! I'm sure we can all think of many many times that we are certainly thankful God did not just leave us high and dry because we wanted to be an idiot.

I can personally say that too often I have given Him good reason to say, "Forget it. You go your way, I'll go mine, since that seems to be what you want." But He doesn't do that. Instead He says, "As much as I wish you wouldn't do this, I'm going to let you, so I can show you how amazing my unconditional love is for you!"

Take some time today, this week, to thank God for His faithfulness in your life. It's the least we can do.

"Trust Me... Regardless"

I'm not one to be a scaredy-cat. Sure, I get a little scared of being up high, and my stomach goes nuts before getting on a roller coaster, but I still get on, because I know I will enjoy it. But there are things that even those of us who are not general scaredy-cats are fearful of happening. Especially for those of us who have others in our lives we are close to and love dearly (which I imagine is most of us, if not all of us). We fear something may happen to our loved ones. Now, for most people this is just an "in-the-back-of-your-mind" awareness. But for me, it has been

A HEART-WRENCHING, ALMOST PANIC ATTACK, MOVED TO TEARS JUST THINKING ABOUT IT

condition. I have an overwhelming fear of either my husband dying - leaving me to raise 4 (soon to be 5) children on my own, or (I can barely think it) something happening to one of these precious little babies.

Those of you who may know me well may know that I have a wonderfully vivid imagination, but sometimes it gets a little out of hand. Even my dreams can be so vivid they seem real. Unfortunately, it has been a source of weakness, leaving me vulnerable to the enemy's attacks on my mind. I have often been left almost paralyzed by the thought process of what I would do, or where I would be if something like this happened.

But last night, I heard something wonderful, something completely freeing:

"IT IS NOT ENOUGH TO TRUST GOD TO NEVER ALLOW YOUR WORST FEAR TO HAPPEN."

We all want to say we trust God, but to what extent? I was limiting my trust in God to trusting that He would not allow those worst nightmares of mine to happen. But what if they did? Where would I be then? It would be incredibly hard for me to deal with at first, but my God is faithful and He will bring me through. He has brought me through the tough stuff before and He will do it again and again and again.

I DON'T NEED TO FEAR THE WHAT IFs BECAUSE MY GOD IS BIGGER THAN MY FEAR.

As overwhelming as my fear may seem, my God is bigger than my fear and I don't have to be afraid any more, because I can trust God even if my worst fear happens. How wonderfully freeing it is to know that regardless of what happens, I can still trust in my God to be faithful!

Cleaning House

I hate cleaning the house. It's tedious and laborious and by tomorrow it won't even look like I did anything. To be quite honest, the dirtiest part of my kitchen is under the table (and probably under the appliances). The dirtiest part of my living room is under the furniture. The dirtiest parts of pretty much any room in my house is under something that I don't want to have to move, and I'm pretty sure no one is going to see under anyway, so I don't bother. No matter the fact that these are the places where the germs fester and spread throughout the rest of the house.

Unfortunately, this is also true for my soul. It's so easy to not bother cleaning up the areas of my life that I think no one will see. The thoughts that no one has to know I had or feelings I have about someone or something, but don't share because it seems shameful. But just like the areas in my house that I neglect, these are the ares that affect everything else, even if not noticeably. Huh? Because these are the things that affect my character. Does it matter if no one else ever knows about it? No. God knows and He doesn't like it. That should be enough to make me want to take care of it. Is it tedious work trying to keep the secret places of my heart clean and pure? Of course it is! But I know that I don't have to do it alone. I have the Holy Spirit that can is living within me, and believe me, He's definitely checking under all the junk to make sure I'm not neglecting anything.

Does this mean I'm going to start cleaning my house better? Hey, I gotta start somewhere, and well, my life is more important. : )

I am a P.R.I.N.C.E.S.S.!

Most little girls dream of being a princess. They are enamored with Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, castles, tiaras, fluffy dresses, etc. - you get the picture. Even grown women want to be princesses, but as we get older our idea of what a princess is changes. In the eyes of a woman, being a princess means beauty, fashion, financial security, luxury, and (drawing a breath) royalty! We picture being the most beautiful being in the most fashionable dress. No worrying about money, because we have all we could ever need or even want. We have the finest of all things possible, jewelry, dishes, you name it- we have it made out of some precious stone or metal. Oh, don't forget about our Prince Charming - so handsome! But to top it all off, we are royalty. Admit it, you still dream about being a princess.

Our society makes this dream of being a princess so enticing. From the time we are little girls watching those Disney movies to the constant pressures the media puts on us to want to be like the celebrities (which is not that far from our more "mature" view of being a princess). I'll admit, I dream of being a princess, even now as an adult. However, recently I have been studying the book of Esther, through a study by Beth Moore, and one thing she mentioned really caught my attention. We, as Christians, are princesses. We are daughters of a Divine Ruler. That got me to thinking, you know what, I am a princess. But my view of what it means to be a princess needs to change. So, I looked at it from a biblical perspective and here is what I believe God wants me to know about being a princess.

I am...

Precious in God's sight - 1 Peter 3:4; 1 Peter 1:7

Redeemed by the blood of Christ - Gal. 4:5; Gal. 3:13; Titus 2:14; Luke 1:68, and many others

Indwelled by the Holy Spirit - 2 Tim. 1:14; 1 Cor. 6:19

Nominated for righteousness - John 15:16; Acts 13:48; 1 Tim. 1:12

Chosen for His glory - Eph. 1:4; John 15:16, 19

Embraced by His love - Psalm 32:10

Saved by grace - Eph. 2:8, 9

Surrounded by the mighty hand of God! - Psalm 59:17; Psalm 144:2; Isa. 40:29

That's better than any amount of beauty, money and riches if you ask me! But knowing that I am a Princess, a daughter of the Divine King, is not just about giving myself a boost of self-esteem or confidence. It is a reminder about how I should live as a child of God. To know and remember all of these things means I can't just go through life full of pride and self-righteousness, because I am nothing without God. Nor does it mean I can put myself down and wallow in self-pity, this is just as selfish because it puts the focus on me. Rather it means that because of all He has done for me, all He has given me, I need to give Him back all that I have and show His love and grace and mercy to others. This is a high standard to have to live up to. It doesn't mean I have to be perfect, but God does expect me to respond to what He has given me with my life, and He never said it would be easy. It's not easy, but that is exactly why I need to be reminded what it means to be a P.R.I.N.C.E.S.S.

The Danger of Laughter

In Genesis 17, God establishes his covenant with Abram, who is now 99 yrs. old. God established a covenant with Abram that held so much significance it required change. His name was changed from Abram to Abraham, his wife's name was changed from Sarai to Sarah, and all of the males in his household had to undergo a physical change by being circumcised. After telling him about all these changes that occur, God tells Abraham that he and his wife are going to have a son. They were 99 and 98 yrs old!! What do you think Abraham's reaction was, he laughed in God's face! He thought that it was ridiculous and even asked God to just bless the son he already had. That just sounds outrageous. How can someone laugh in the face of God over his promise of a miracle? Yet, are we any different? There are so many times that God promises us miracles that we refuse to believe. We say, "Yeah, I know He can do it, but He won't do it, at least not for me." The problem with this is that we are faithfully trusting in Him. We have to remember, when God establishes a covenant, a change has to occur. What is the covenant He established with us? The promise of eternal life in heaven with our Holy Father. His son died on a cross for that covenant to come into affect. We are not without responsibility. As a sign of this covenant, our lives our changed through the work of the Holy Spirit, and the miracles God performs in us and through us. Don't laugh in God's face because you don't want to have the faith that it takes to change your life.