The Best Laid Plans...

I know you all are DYING to know all about our little bundle of joy's entrance into the world. So I'm going to tell you.

Let me start by saying, as much as I was looking forward to having this baby to hold in my arms and finding out if we were having a boy or a girl, I was not looking forward to experiencing any pain during the labor process. I know, I was being a little ridiculous and selfish, but I was actually praying that this labor would be a "piece of cake". I had even told my husband that if it wasn't going extremely easy than I was going to get an epidural. He thought I was being crazy because he knows how much I hate needles and epidurals terrify me.

I kept saying it anyway. In fact, I said it so much, I had pretty much convinced myself that if I had any pain, I should just get the epidural because I was just too tired to deal with any amount of pain.

Contractions started weeks ago. Here and there, some nasty, some more bearable. This last Friday, they were pretty close together and getting worse, so we thought we should go in and just make sure since I was past my due date at this point anyway. Well, we went in and they checked me, had us walk around for an hour and then checked me again. They told us nothing was going on, it was just a false alarm and that I should keep my next appointment, because I was probably going to have to schedule an induction. At this point, and for the last 4 weeks, they told me the baby was head down. Then they sent us home.

Josh and I put the kids to bed and decided to watch a movie together. I was still having pains and contractions, so I reclined on the couch with my heating pads trying to get them to stop. The contractions were finally calming down, but I had some sharp pains in my stomach. After we had been home for two hours, my water broke.

We definitely knew for sure we were in labor this time. So we called the dr. and waited for our sitter to come back and prepared to head to the hospital. I was already exhausted. I started getting anxious about how intense this labor might be and was praying yet again that it would be easy.

At this point, I began diverting my attention to what I knew was going to be my focal point for this labor - a song from one of the Seeds Family Worship cds we got our kids for Easter. These cds are Scripture put to music and a couple weeks before baby was due, we had been listening to this particular song and I just knew it was the one that would stick with me.

"He alone is my rock and my salvation. He is my fortress I will never be shaken." This is Psalm 62:2


The funny part was, since the moment my water broke, I couldn't stop shaking. Focusing on this song was helping me to calm down enough to stop the shaking.

Anyway, we got to the hospital and they put me in a labor and delivery room and told me to get ready so they can check out what's going on, how far along in the process we were and what not. So I did. The midwife came in and checked me and said, "Well, that's interesting. There's a foot in your cervix. I'ld say we have a footling breech and you're going to have a c-section." All I could manage to say was, "When?" She replied, "Right now."

I got scared. I've never had a c-section and I wasn't really sure what to think about having to have one. I kept going back to my focal point. It cleared my head and I began to think about it. I had been saying for a month that I wanted this labor to be pretty much painless. It finally occurred to me, God was answering my prayer. All my talking about getting an epidural had actually prepared me to not be scared when it came down to the fact I actually had to have one. While having surgery was still a little scary, I realized, I wasn't going to be able to feel any pain during this process.

Less than two hours after I got to the hospital the second time, Titus was born. I laid on a table, pretty much half asleep the whole time. Partly enjoying the strangeness of it all.

It was an experience. In fact, it was kind of interesting. Yes, the recovery is a lot more difficult, but it is forcing me to take it easy.

As I look at this whole process from before baby was due to now, I can see how God has been looking out for me. He heard me cry out and he answered me. (Psalm 120:1 - "In my trouble I cried to the Lord and He answered me.")

I had been crying out to the Lord for a while now, that I needed a rest. He heard my cry and I want to share with you all the ways He answered that for me.

•  Earlier this year, it was determined that I would not be able to go out to California for my summer classes because of when the baby was due. 
• After that first point, I planned to take a class at home, but that also did not work out for financial reasons.
• During the summer, our schedule is usually jammed packed with swimming lessons, safety town and other fun activities. This year the schedule just was not working out for us, so we did not sign up for anything and have just been enjoying a relaxing summer together as a family.
• Josh usually goes back to work the day after I come home from the hospital, and I was not wanting that to happen this year. After having the c-section, he couldn't go back to work right away, so I get to enjoy him over this holiday weekend : )
• There are some things that I committed to doing, even though I knew I probably shouldn't, that now I had to step away from, with much relief. 

It's not easy for me to take a break from the activity of life to just rest and enjoy the little things, but I knew that's what I needed, and God knew too, because despite me trying to ignore it, He made sure it happened. 

While recovery is taking longer than usual, I am recovering well. And I'm thankful that my God hears me and He answers me and He knows my needs even more than I do. 

Timing is Everything

As most of you know, I have been anxiously awaiting the arrival of our sixth child. Today is our due date (June 26th), but so far no progress.

I have been trying to be patient. It's not easy.

I am trying to remind myself that God's timing is better than mine. Also hard to do when I have plans and things I want to do. BUT I am determined to rest in HIS timing and not be so wrapped up in mine.

Ecclesiastes 31:1-14 has been a huge help in this:

¹There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity under heaven:

²a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

³a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build,

⁴a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

⁵a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

⁶a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,

⁷a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,

⁸a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace.

⁹What does the worker gain from his toil? ¹⁰I have seen the burden God has laid on men. ¹¹He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. ¹²I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. ¹³That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil—this is the gift of God. ¹⁴I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him.

So often we want everything to happen in our time. Then there's those who tell us, "Good things come to those who wait". I've been doing a lot of waiting lately, and in that process I've had a lot of time to think about waiting. What I think that saying leaves out is that it's not just waiting that brings good things, it's how we wait and what we are waiting for. If I'm going to wait for something, it should be because I am waiting on God's timing. While I'm waiting, I should be resting in the Lord, trusting that His timing is perfect and is for the best. 

My flesh tells me to be impatient and anxious. My spirit tells me to patiently rest in the Lord. 

I already know that there is much blessing in store - I am waiting on the arrival of a child! My children have been huge blessings in my life, and that's part of why I'm getting impatient - I am so excited to welcome this child into the world and into our lives. However, I also know that whatever plans I have do not compare to God's plan. He knows everything from beginning to end, while I am limited in my sight. 

To trust in God is my resolve. Pray for me.

It's Not Fair!

This week's lesson from a four year old. 

Earlier this week, we were having a snack and my daughters were upset that I would not let them have more. They expressed their feelings by whining, "That's not fair!" My four year old, Jade, replied to their whining, "The only thing that is not fair is that Jesus had to die on the cross." 

Wow. That was way more profound than what I was going to say, which was something along the lines of "Too bad." or "Life's not fair." 

I was glad she replied first, because then we got to talk about why that is the only thing that is not fair, and it became a reminder for the whole family for the rest of the week. Any time someone said, "It's not fair!" We reminded them what really wasn't fair. 

It made me think about all the things I act like are not fair in my life. Maybe I don't cross my arms and stomp my foot and whine "It's not fair!" But I might still act like it's not fair by not responding to every circumstance in life with worship and praise to the Creator, the One who was willing to die to take on my sin so that I can have renewed life. 

Sometimes I need to take a lesson from a four year old. That's ok, cuz I love that they can teach me and remind me just as I teach them. It certainly has a way of keeping this girl humbled. Thank you Lord, for such wonderful blessings!

A Bed of Roses

Sometimes things just aren't the way we want them to be. Nothing is going right and we wonder where God is in the midst of it all. After all, the Christian life is not a bed of roses.

Or is it?

I don't know about yours, but my bed still has some thorns in it and every once in a while I roll into a big patch of them. In my stubbornness, I would rather let them remain stuck to me than deal with the pain of having them pulled out - even if it means healing.

For those of you who just got lost in that analogy, let me explain. Choosing to follow God is wonderful in so many ways (a bed of roses) in that God gives us comfort and we are surrounded by the wonderful fragrance of His grace. However, there are still some tough times we have to endure (the thorns).

We can choose to be bitter and unforgiving during those times, or even just have a bad attitude. If we choose that, it is like allowing the thorn to stay stuck in the flesh, eventually causing infection - just like how our bad attitudes will effect our relationships with those around us. Possibly even "infecting" others.

Or we can allow the painful, yet healing process of having the thorns pulled out of our flesh. This happens when we allow God to work in us in those areas that are already quite painful.

This week I had a choice to make - was I going to allow bitterness and unforgiveness fester, or was I going to let go of my stubbornness and begin the healing process? Unfortunately, for a while, I was choosing the former. But staying angry is exhausting! Besides, even though it hurts a little to let go of my stubborn pride, I would much rather watch things heal. I don't like being a mean bitter person anyway. I'm going to roll back over into my petals now, very carefully.

Honey, I'm sorry, sometimes I'm a stubborn jerk and am not willing to extend forgiveness, even though I often need it. I do forgive you. Will you please forgive me?

Weary With Pain, Joyful in Heart

I am weary. This pregnancy has been far more painful than any other, even without having to deal with sciatic nerve pain. The pain I am experiencing now, I have been told there is nothing I can do about it. It won't go away until I have the baby, and my due date is still 8 weeks away.

The pain keeps me from sleeping well. I wake up more tired than when I went to sleep. Even getting in bed is difficult and I end most days in tears (which is not like me at all). Last night, my husband said he thinks I had an anxiety attack in my sleep the way I was breathing and kicking. I'm glad I don't remember that.

Just so you know this post is not just a big complaint. Although, let's be real  - that IS exactly what I am tempted to do all day, every day.

But instead, I find myself thinking about what I can be doing to help my husband to be able to rest more when he gets home from work. And trying to make sure my children's needs are met and what fun things I can do for/with them as well. (Yes, I do realize I just started two sentences with a conjunction - for those of you grammar junkies like me.) Planning and preparation for opportunities to minister to and serve others, and staff appreciation plans for the girls' school.

I could wallow in my pain and feeling sorry for myself and truth be told, some days I do.

A couple weeks ago, I reminded myself of a passage in Scripture in the funniest way actually. We were talking about what you shouldn't say to someone who is grieving and I thought of this passage. What is so funny about it is that it is exactly what has reminded me to have joy and hope through my pain.

Rom. 8:18 - "For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared to the glory that is to be revealed to us."

This verse is just part of a passage that speaks about the suffering we will endure as children of God, but that we can look forward to the coming glory of Christ's return and even now, we have strength through the help of the Holy Spirit and hope in knowing that all things work together for those who are His. This verse reminds me of all that.

Eight weeks may seem like a long time to have to deal with this pain and exhaustion, but even if it lasted for the rest of my life, that is short-term compared to eternity.

It WILL end. There is hope in knowing that it WILL end.

I also have found a lot of comfort in this song "Count it All Joy" by Shannon Wexelberg. Here are the lyrics, I hope it will give hope and comfort to anyone else who is going through a time of suffering as well:

Blessed is the one 
for the sake of the Son 
who stands through the fire and the flood 
he will receive a reward from the King 
a crown for a victory won 

so let's make a choice 
to stand up and rejoice 
steadfast whatever may come 
to stand and believe 
that the Lord will complete 
the wonderful work He's begun 

Count it all joy 
When we face many trials 
When we suffer for righteousness sake 

Count it all joy 
For like gold in the fire 
Every test is refining our faith 

Count it all joy 
Count it all joy 

Blessed is the one 
who says Gods will be done 
running the race faithfully 
his feet are sure 
finding strength to endure 
keeping his eyes on the King 

he's not tossed like the waves of the sea 
and strong winds continue to blow 
so let us trust 
let us hope and believe 
as our faith continues to grow 

Count it all joy 
When we face many trials 
When we suffer for righteousness sake 

Count it all joy 
For like gold in the fire 
Every test is refining our faith 

Count it all joy 
Count it all joy 

For God has not promised 
a path that is not marked with pain 
but He has promised 
the joy of His presence 
for those who will trust in His name 

Count it all joy 
When we face many trials 
When we suffer for righteousness sake 

Count it all joy 
For like gold in the fire 
Every test is refining our faith 

Count it all joy 
When we face many trials 
When we suffer for righteousness sake 

Count it all joy 
For like gold in the fire 
Every test is refining our faith 

Count it all joy 
Count it all joy 
Count it all joy 
Count it all joy 

Oh, we count it all joy

Remind Me...

Yesterday, was Easter Sunday. I love Easter. I love to think about why we celebrate Easter. But this year was different. I had a horrible morning - kids woke up arguing and that tipped the barrel on the stress that had been building up. I argued with Josh, yelled at the kids, cried repeatedly, and to top it all off - I was having a lot of pain in my hips when walking, standing, sitting - pretty much anything. It was NOT how I wanted to start such a wonderful holiday celebration.

We went to church and I couldn't talk to anyone without starting to cry, so I avoided eye contact as much as possible. I wanted to be there, but the pain - physical and emotional was just overwhelming.

The sermon was great, but it was a song that we sung at the end that really hit me hard. Some of the lyrics are (this is not all of the song, and I did skip some):

"... In the loneliest places, when I can't remember what grace is,
Tell me, once again, who I am to You, who I am to You.
Tell me, lest I forget, who I am to You, I belong to You....
If I'm Your beloved, help me believe it..."

I really needed to be reminded that I belong to Christ. He died because He loves me and with His blood He bought me back, out of the bondage of sin, and took me as His own. He calls me His beloved.

Every person I know will let me down at some point. There is not a single person on this earth that I can fully trust not to ever let me down.

BUT, God will never let me down. He always acts in my best interest. He will always love me no matter what, and even better, He will not allow me to stay in those places when I am at my lowest. I am His and He loves me. In His love, He will work in my life to make me the person He has called me to be.

I needed to be reminded of this, so I could remember what I had been so excited to celebrate in the first place, but had let other things distract me from that celebration. My God gave His life for me, because of His love for me, but that's not all, He is alive! He is the One True Living God and He calls me His beloved.

Oh thank you Lord for Your everlasting love!

It's SPRING!!!!

I LOVE spring! And for those of us who live in Northeast Ohio it has been a great start to spring this year. There are so many things to love about spring and I don't just mean the weather. What I love most about spring are the vivid pictures that remind me of God's promises and His Word.

This is the time of year we come across caterpillars that will turn into butterflies - reminder of 2 Corinthians 5:15 - "Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come."

The days are getting longer and what better way to spend them than to do what Psalm 113:3 says, "From the rising of the sun to its setting the name of the Lord is to be praised."

And what is more significant about spring than the coming of new life? From flowers beginning to grow to baby animals being born, new life is everywhere.

This brings me to my absolute FAVORITE thing about spring - celebrating EASTER!!!! I think it is wonderful that this time of celebration of Christ's resurrection from death to life, that brings us the opportunity for new life, comes at a time of year where new life is all around us to remind us of this very thing! God is awesome - just sayin' Here are some Scriptures that come to mind as I think about this:
Romans 6:4 - "Therefore we have been buried with Him through baptism into death, so that as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, so we too might walk in newness of life."  John 1:4 says, "In Him was life, and the life was the Light of men." John 6:33 - "For the bread of God is that which comes down out of heaven, and gives life to the world."

I love spring, because I love how even nature cooperates to tell the story of Christ's death and resurrection and the newness of life that brings for those who put their trust in Him.