A "Word" of Understanding

"Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure."

Philippians 2:12-13

Lately, I have gotten back in the habit of keeping a dictionary near when reading my Bible. I love to look up certain words and understand the context they are being used in to help me understand more clearly what exactly it is saying. After reading these two verses today, I looked up the word "work". 

There were so many definitions given, but I wrote down the ones that seemed to fit best in the context and then realized something - it seemed like each time the word "work" was used it could be replaced with a different definition given. This was exciting! I mean, honestly, if you read the passage above it may seem confusing how many times the word "work" is used (eg. "work out your own salvation", "for it is God who works in you"). You may read that and think "Well, which is it?" It's both. Let me show you what I did that made it all make so much more sense, at least to me.

"Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, prepare for use exerting oneself physically and mentally your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who brings to pass in you, both to will and to function according to plan or design for his good pleasure."

It all started to make so much more sense! You see, we are responsible for our obedience. This is the "work out your own salvation" part. We are to prepare ourselves for use by exerting ourselves physically and mentally (obeying). That is how we "work". 

God is the one who brings it to pass. It is God's work in us that allows us to obey. He is the author of salvation and brings to pass salvation in us.

His "work" in us is so that we have the will to obey and will function according to the His design and plan for us. A plan for His good pleasure - because He delights in us and in our obedience. 

I don't know about you, but while I had a semi-understanding of the above passage before, this just made it so much clearer and I had to share! I am so excited to have a better understanding between the connection of what God expects from us and His part that He fulfills in us. So amazing!

Happy New Year!!

I waited to write this post until today, because I like to begin new things by looking back. Why? because I think when we stop to look back we go forward remembering what we have learned.

For me, this past year felt like one long trust fall into the arms of God.

If you go back through my old posts, you would know that my word for last year was FOCUS. I wanted to learn how to really focus on God. I'm still not sure if that was right or if trust or peace would have been a more accurate description of what God did in me throughout this last year.

From the very beginning, I knew our finances were going to be a big part of God working in me. Last January is when my husband and I began to make some significant changes regarding our finances. Mainly, being more of a team with him making the final decisions. I knew this would be hard for me, because I'm somewhat of a control freak, but I also knew I had to learn to let him lead. It started in chaos. Not that we were fighting and arguing, but that we thought we had everything all figured out and it wasn't. Of course, I should have known this would be a learning process. However, God used this to start preparing me to trust Him for what was to come later. He took care of us at that time and He has continued to do so.

Our church was beginning the process to prepare for the start of community groups. Joshua expressed he wanted us to have one in our home, and he wanted to lead it. This is so against his nature, I knew this must be God's leading, so I agreed and we began to prepare for it. God had already began working on me, teaching me to let my husband lead. This was just going to be another step in the process, but I welcomed it.

 Not too long after this, Joshua decided I needed to quit my job. We had been talking about it for awhile. Both knowing God was leading to this, but both being hesitant about actually doing it. Finally, Joshua told me I had to do it, and I knew he was right. So I quit. You cannot believe how much more well rested I have been since I did! Yeah, we're loosing out on that money, but honestly, I don't even notice because God has provided in so many ways.

One trust fall after another.

But none would impact my life as much as Nehemiah.

Just about a month and a half after quitting my job, we found out we had lost the baby I was carrying. I will not go into all the details about it now, I've written many blogs about that time that you are welcome to go back and read. What I will say, is that all those trust falls I had just done, were not without purpose. Because I KNEW that God had me in His arms and I had never known greater peace and joy than I did when I held Nehemiah in my hands and looked into his face.

I will not say the rest of my year went great, but, God held me. The peace never left. He has continued to work in my heart and life in different ways and each step, He has given me what I needed to take it.

So as a new year begins and I think about what God may have in store, I remember the peace He gives. The joy He gives no matter what is to come.

I still like to make some resolutions each year, but I'm a little more broad, as I realize whatever method I start out the year using to accomplish one of these goals may need to be a adjusted or scrapped and a new method used.

Once again, I chose verses for each member of our family to pray for them. I didn't realize until today, that the verse I chose for myself, was one that was frequently used in my blogs throughout the last year. How fitting that I keep in mind God's faithfulness throughout this new year with Phil. 4:6-7.

Here are the things I want to challenge myself to do this year:

1. Pray for others more. Really pray for others frequently and consistently. I want others to know the peace and joy that I have and to experience God's rich blessings of life, hope, and the Holy Spirit.

2. Follow through. I'm one of those people who starts projects, but then doesn't finish them. I want to challenge myself to be better at finishing the projects I start. This may include being better at deciding what projects to begin.

3. Be healthier. I want to eat healthier and exercise more. (I'm eating Reese cups as I write this.) Over the last few months I have been doing much better at eating healthier and enjoying it! I have learned for me to be successful in that area, it can't be about following a specific diet plan, but learning about making healthier choices and then making changes little by little as I am ready to do them. As far as exercising more - I'm still trying to figure out how I can do that better.

4. Be ready for whatever God wants to teach me. Often I'm too hard-headed and stubborn to accept that God is trying to get me to learn something. With all that He has taught me, I want to learn more.

This year my word will be PRAYER. I do believe last year I learned to FOCUS on God. This year, while I continue to focus on Him, I want to deepen my communication with Him. I already pray a lot, but I know I always have a lot to learn.

Have a Happy and Prayerful New Year!

A Name Like No Other

Christmas is in just two days!!! I love Christmas. For me, Christmas is not just a day. I'm sure we've heard so much about the joy of Christmas and maybe by now you're getting tired of it.

This morning, I sat in my dark living room, drinking my coffee, looking at the Christmas tree all lit up with my three year old son curled up in my lap. As I sat there cuddling with my son, my mind began to wander through all the wonderful blessings I have been given.

The ones that struck me the most were the blessings of my children. Blessings, not because they are perfect little angels, but because they bring an opportunity for me to learn grace, mercy, self-control, and a myriad of other things I fail at daily. The blessing of a wonderful husband. Our marriage has not always been easy, but a blessing that has taught me forgiveness, commitment, and what love really means. The blessing of having children and family that have gone before. A blessing that has helped me realize that God really is in control and I can fully trust in Him. The blessing of struggle. A blessing that has taught me that God keeps His promises.

In case you haven't noticed, many of the blessings I see in my life have come through the trials and storms I have endured. But the greatest blessing of all is the one that we celebrate this time of year. The gift of Jesus.

No other gift can compare to a Savior who pursued me. Nothing can compare to a God that loved me so much, He chose to open my eyes to my need for Him. He chose to open my heart to receive Him. He chose to send His Son to take my place, so I can know Him.

Nothing can compare to that.

I LOVE Christmas. Sure I like gifts, but what I love most of all is that I was given the greatest gift, a gift I can celebrate all year.

This past year has been a year of struggles and rough patches, but my soul has never known joy this great. I am so thankful God keeps His promise to continue to work in me until the day of completion.

This joy, the joy that fills my heart and soul, the joy of Christmas is Jesus.

What a powerful name! Try saying it out loud where ever you are right now. Sing it. Shout it. Can you feel the power that name carries?! If you cannot, I pray the Holy Spirit continues to work in your heart.

I love to sing songs of worship and praise and honestly cannot help but dance. But if you want to see me hands raised in the air, smile from ear to ear, voice as loud as can be, sing the name of Jesus. Speak the name of Jesus.

There is no other name that captures my heart to that extent. There is no other name that uplifts me from the depths of despair. There is no other name that brings with it the power of real JOY!

As you celebrate Christmas, remember that Jesus was not just a baby born in a manger. He is a Savior born to rescue us from the captivity of sin. He is God in human flesh, that we can trust to know our pain and our struggle. He is CHRIST who defeated the grave so that we may know life!

Jesus

Don't just know His name. Know Him.

Repeat Lessons

This past week I have been reminded that not everything will go according to the way I have planned. Yes, this is something we are reminded frequently each day with all the little things, but we still seem to be unprepared when it happens in the "big" things, or at least what we consider as the "big" things at that time. At least for me anyway. 

So, things were not going my way. I'll be honest, I was upset. Almost to the point of tears. While I was able to contain those emotions for quite some time, the tears eventually came. But not from the upset of life not going according to my plan.

The tears came, because I realized that I was making MY plan more important than HIS plan. How dare I be so selfish? The tears flowed as my heart grieved my pride. In a flood of tears I was reminded that not only is His plan bigger and better than mine, it always has His and my good in mind. My plans are always so limited to what I can see, what I know, what I can envision, what I can imagine. How do I ever get to a place where I think I can possibly come up with some plan that rivals God's? 

As I was hit with this, it got me thinking. What would my life be like, if everything had gone according to my plan? Since I do not know all things, I am only able to go back through what has happened in my life and how certain things would be different if I had had my way. 

One thing I am for sure, I would not have nearly as many blessings in my life as I have now. I will not expand on the reasons why these would be true, but here is a list of things that would be different if I had my way throughout my life:

1. I would be a professional dancer. This sounds like a good thing, but I would be a dancer not using their talents for God's glory.

2. I would not be married to Josh. If this had happened, I would also not have any of my beautiful children whom I love so much.

3. Even if I had married Josh, I would be divorced already. 

4. Some of my children would have never been born. Those I have lost, would have been born.

5. Josh would have a nice, cushy job - and I would never have learned to trust God's provision.

6. I would have an amazing body - and would never have learned the meaning of true beauty.

7. I would have lost my virginity to a married man as a teenager. 

These are just a few of the "big" things I thought about. In comparison to the situation I was dealing with last week, that situation just shrunk more and more by the moment. It's so easy to get caught up in what is going on right here, right now, that we forget the One who is over all things, knows the bigger picture and knows how this moment, right here, right now, plays a part in that bigger plan. We think we know how it plays a part in the "bigger" plan of our lives, but our lives are just a breath of eternity. Does not God's plan for our lives, for life in general, far exceed our own? Yes. Every. Single. Time. This doesn't mean we shouldn't make plans, that we shouldn't prepare or make decisions. What it means is that we shouldn't get so caught up in our own plans, that we don't allow for His plans. You would think with all I've been through in this life, I would have learned this lesson by now. Apparently, I'm a hard learner. Anyway, I'm just glad that God keeps on teaching me, even if it means many repeat lessons. 

A Life of Everlasting Impact

As I thought about this day coming up, I wasn't sure how I would feel or what I would be thinking. 

Today is the day Nehemiah Laminin was due to be born. 

I know that doesn't mean he would have been born on this day exactly, but it would have been around this time. 

I thought maybe I would be sad, and I am a little. The tears come as I think about holding him. It will be a long time before I get to hold him again. But I WILL get to hold him again and there is hope in that. 

But mostly I think of all the joy his short life brought. Because of him, my joy in Christ has been renewed. My hope in Christ's coming has been restored. The peace that surpasses all understanding guards my heart and mind (Phil. 4:7). My marriage has renewed life. I am a little better at loving my children. And I hope that there are others whose life he has touched. 

What has hit me the most is the insurmountable peace I now have. I don't quite know how to explain it except to just tell you the difference. There are two major areas of my life that I have noticed the peace more. 

The first one is in the area of finances. My husband has worked a seasonal job for many years. This means he has often been unemployed for about three months in the winter. We live paycheck to paycheck when he is working, so you can imagine the amount of strain this puts on our family. Usually, I have worked a job that I could pick up hours during that time he was not working. I lived life completely stressed out. All I could think about was how we were going to pay our bills. How was I going to make this work? This year, I don't have a job. My parents do not live with us any more (they did for a time and this really helped with the bills). Joshua could be unemployed in a few weeks to a month and I'm not worried about it. Sure there are times when the worry starts to creep in, but then it is almost immediately diminished. There is just such peace in my heart about it that I can't even explain it. I know it is not from me, because as I said I was stressed even when the situation didn't look as bad as it could be this time. Yet, I have peace.

Another area this has hit me hard is in looking at the future. I don't know if you've ever read the book of Revelations, but there will be a time when things get really bad. Our society is already getting worse, and I think about the world my children will have to live in. This can make me scared, and at times it has. And when I get scared, I worry about them and what kind of life they will have and will I get to be here for them, etc... Over the past few months I have thought about this even more. But now when I think about it, I get a little scared, but then there is this unexplainable peace and it's like God is speaking to my heart saying, "You were born for such a time as this." This frightens me a little, but even more it spurs me to train up my children as warriors for the gospel of Christ. It motivates me to be ready with knowing the Word should I one day not be allowed to have a copy of the Bible (this has happened in countries already, so let's not take this freedom for granted). It reminds me that one day my Savior is coming back to claim His own, and I need to be ready. It pushes me to be more intentional in my relationships and loving others. 

Nehemiah may have only had life for such a short time. His eyes may never have opened to see this world. But I know that he was one of the greatest blessings on my life that God could ever give. God used him to change me. Every day when I look at his picture and remember that day I looked into his face, I remember the vision God gave me on that hospital bed. I think of the peace I had then, and the peace I have now and know that God truly does use the weak, the humble, the smallest of hearts to bring about His glory.

Giving It Up

As I sat in church Sunday listening to the sermon about giving over all of ourselves to God, I nodded in agreement and even thought to myself, "I really want to do that, Lord, show me what areas in my life I have not given over to you." Throughout the sermon there were some points that hit home and I thought, "Yeah, that's something I could work on more." But it wasn't until after the preaching, after the altar call song, the final song of the service, God made it loud and clear what He wanted me to get.

The final song of the sermon was "Ten Thousand Reasons" otherwise known as "Bless the Lord, O My Soul". Some of you may know that this was one of the songs I was singing in my dream I had during my miscarriage, the only one I can remember (you can read about that here http://beautyoftheheart.blogspot.com/2013/07/a-song-of-joy.html). Why did it hit me so hard?

As I stood singing with a soul full of joy, remembering that night in the hospital, I suddenly began to weep uncontrollably. In that moment, I realized that it had been so easy for me to give Him my child, my own flesh and blood, my baby, even though I didn't even get a chance to get to know him...

...yet, I still have trouble giving over to him the little things each day, like my schedule, my attitude, my feelings, my trust.

Then it reminded me of what our small group talked about on Friday night and what I've been reading about David's struggles through the Psalms. We so often, as Christians, talk about how the trials we endure are our true test of faith - do we depend on Him? do we lean on our own strength? And yes, those are tests of faith somewhat.

But is it not an even more reliable test of faith to ask, Who do we depend on for the little things? Moment by moment? When my life is "interrupted" how do I respond? Am I easily offended by what others say and do to me? Do I trust God to provide for ALL my needs? Do I look to Him when deciding what to eat, drink, wear, watch on tv, say to another person, how to do my hair, make up, spend my free time?

I realized that for me, the big things can sometimes be so much easier to give over to God, because I know what He wants from me. I know what His Word says about those things. But when the area seems gray, and maybe He has given us freedom to choose, I don't always seek Him first anyway.

That's not really living in the Spirit. If I have the Holy Spirit within me, I don't want to just have Him sitting on a back shelf, waiting for me to feel like I need Him, because I've exhausted all other options. Because, this one is just too hard for me to handle. I want to truly live in the Spirit. So that when I have a choice, I still don't take it without seeking Him first. Two options might both be good, but maybe He has something specific in mind and I will never know that unless I stop and ask Him first, and then listen for His response.

Can you imagine slowing down your day to stop and seek God before each and every thing you do, say, think? Seems impossible in the time of busyness. It also seems not only necessary, but worth it. How much better would my day go, if I actually gave it ALL over to God? I hope to find out.

Asleep on the Run

I have started to read the Psalms, only one chapter per week. I'm lingering on each Psalm for a whole week, and I'm loving it!

This week is Psalm 3. David wrote this psalm when fleeing from his son Absalom. He starts out talking about his enemies and what they are saying to taunt him, but this only lasts a couple of verses. Right after that David starts talking about how God is his shield and answers his call. He goes on to say he does not need to fear any number of men who are after him because salvation belongs to the Lord!

But what really grabbed me today was the verse in the middle Psalm 3:6 - "I lay down and slept; I awoke, for the Lord sustains me."

David is being chased by an army who is after him. He assures himself that God hears his cry for protection and will shield him from any harm.

Then he lays down and goes to sleep.

And he wakes up.

The impact of this simple statement is huge! Because David doesn't just say, "Oh yeah, God will protect me. Please, God, please protect me!" and then get ready to fight.

NO! He said, "Wait! Those guys can say what they want. I know who my God is! My God is the Holy One and He is almighty! I can trust Him with everything, so I'm going to go to sleep so I can rest." And that's what he does. Then he tells us, "After I slept, I woke up. See everything is fine. He is trustworthy."

This is the true meaning of resting in God. Truly trusting Him and allowing Him to work while you rest. Not just saying you trust Him and then trying to do it on your own, but stepping back and saying, "You got this." Because He's already trying to tell you, "Get out of the way! I got this."

After David writes that he woke up and the Lord had sustained him, he goes on to say he does not need to fear of ten thousands of men, because He has the Lord on His side! Whew! I don't know about you, but I think I would be terrified if an army of ten thousands of men was chasing after me trying to kill me. Would I trust God enough not to be afraid? Enough to lay down and sleep?

Maybe this hit me extra hard today, because last night I didn't feel well and didn't want to go to bed without my husband. So, I stayed up way later than usual to wait up for him to get home and get ready to go to bed.

I read this and thought, "Really? I couldn't go to bed without my husband because I didn't feel well and David lays down to sleep when thousands of men are chasing him to his death? Where was I putting my trust at that moment?"

Lord, teach me to rest in you. Teach me to trust you with everything, no matter what craziness seems to surround me. You are the Righteous King of kings and we need not fear anything of this earth. Salvation belongs to you, yet I often try to live in my own strength. Break me, that I may be fully reliant on YOU and You alone.