At least a week before I was supposed to go on this retreat, my relationship with Christ started to feel dry, almost forced and non-existent. Reading my Bible seemed more like a chore, one that I didn't particularly feel like doing, but did any way. Attempting to focus enough to pray seemed impossible. And my character was anything but an example of Jesus.
During that week, I began to notice little things that made me realize how much I love my husband. Better yet, how much I am in love with my husband. I couldn't help but think about how when he is gone, I long to talk to him, even if only for a few minutes. When I am angry with him, I want nothing more than for him to just wrap his arms around me and hold me close - and as I melt like butter in his arms, forget what I was angry about in the first place. On days I actually get to take a nap, I sleep on his side of the bed, just so I can smell him and feel like he is there. I will drop anything to spend time with him.
I tell you all that to say, I was longing to be in love with Christ in the way I was with my husband. I wanted to have that same longing and desire to be close to Christ. I wanted to really be able to say that I would drop anything to spend time with Him because I couldn't think of anything better to do. But the truth was, I could find all kinds of better things to do.
My prayer going into this retreat weekend was that I would fall in love with my Saviour again. That I would feel the same way towards Him that I did towards my husband. But instead God showed me something different, something better!
God is everything to us and for us. He is our lover, saviour, friend, father, comforter... I could go on forever. I already knew all this, but what He showed me over that weekend was, that I didn't need to compare my relationship with Christ with the love I have for my husband, because He has given me that love for him at this time for a reason. At this point, in my life, God wants me to be in love with Him in a different way than the love I have for my husband. He wants me to be daddy's little girl. His little princess, who adores Him in every way.
You see, God is everything to us, but He doesn't necessarily play all those roles at all times in our lives. At certain times we need Him in different ways, and He knew I really needed Him to be my daddy right now.
This was confirmed to me in so many ways over the weekend that I will not share them all, but most assuredly in the picture He gave me as I prayed during communion. I asked God to show me how to be in love with Him. To show me what that would look like, and He gave me a picture of me sitting on His lap (yes as an adult), like a little girl who was just adoring her daddy and spending time with Him. I was so happy to be with Him, I couldn't stop talking about everything that was going on in my life, both good and bad. All the time with a big smile on my face, even as I cried and He comforted me when I got to some of the rougher parts. But I was just so happy to have His attention, to be with Him, to sit on His lap and adore Him. I was in love with my daddy!
That picture spoke to my heart, like no other. Because He knew what I needed Him to be right now, and He knew that as much as I love my husband, I did not want it to come before my love for Him. So He gave me both! God is so awesome!