Morning Thoughts

I woke up this morning with this verse in mind:

"His master said to him, 'Well done, good and faithful servant.

You have been faithful over a little, I will set you over much. 

Enter into the joy of your master.' "

Matthew 25:23

I can't even remember the last time I read this verse, so I'm not sure why it came to my mind this morning, but it did get me thinking. This verse is found twice in the parable of the talents. This is a parable about a master who was going away for a while, so he entrusted some of his money to a few of his servants. To one he gave five talents, to another two, and to another one. The servants who were given five and two doubled the money by the time their master returned. The servant given one, buried his in the ground, for fear of losing it. Okay, so here is a parable about money and within this parable we find the verse above not once, but twice as a response to the two who doubled the money they were given to look after. Naturally, we look at this parable and this verse and think Jesus is talking about what we do with our money or treasure.

Only this morning, when this verse came to mind, immediately I thought - "What if this has nothing to do with money at all?" You see, money is OUR treasure. It is something we value and hold up as something of worth. It would have been valuable to the master spoken of in this parable, which is why he was pleased when his servants used it and did well with it. But this is a parable. Jesus used parables to teach about heavenly principles, though many missed the point. I fear we are missing the point. 

I have even heard some teach that it's not necessarily speaking about money, but it could be the talents God has given us, or even children or a myriad of other things that are indeed blessings. But what if it's none of those things at all?

What if Jesus is speaking what He considers valuable? In this parable it is clear that God is the Master represented, so wouldn't the treasure he entrusted to his servants follow with what God considers treasure? 

So what is God's treasure that He rewards those who use it well? Faith. 

Consider the words in the verse "good and faithful servant", "faithful over a little".

He is rewarding those who have faith. What is He rewarding them with? More faith. 

Ok, so maybe that's a little confusing, but hang with me here. When is God most glorified in our lives? When we have faith. 

We can look at this and think, "Well, the times I need to have the most faith are in times of trial and suffering. Does that mean He's going to reward me with more suffering?" Maybe. That's probably not the answer you want to hear, but if God is most glorified in your life in times of suffering, and that is when you exhibit faith most clearly, than yeah it might mean more suffering. Let's be honest, this is probably true for most of us, but that does not discourage me. Why? Because I think of the apostle Paul, and the many other missionaries and believers who have suffered tremendously because of their faith, but through it all, God was glorified.

So what if it does mean suffering? We could have the attitude of Paul and say "For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." - 2 Corinthians 12:10. Or we could allow that to scare us, because, let's face it, we don't like having to suffer.

This morning I woke up with these thoughts on my mind. Again, I hadn't read that passage in God knows how long - seriously, He is the only one who knows how long, but with it these thoughts of Paul and suffering. This may seem somewhat depressing to some, but I was encouraged. I was encouraged because of the truth that when I am faithful, He rewards with more faith. That may include more times of trial, hardship, suffering, etc. to exhibit that faith, but I'm ok with that. Because He is ALWAYS faithful.

What is to Come?

There's been a lot going on in my heart and mind lately. I've been tired and very frustrated. Not because of the size of my family, or that I'm pregnant, or busy, or whatever.

I'm tired of feeling like I'm missing out on the real purpose God has for my life.

I'm frustrated because I'm not quite sure yet what that means exactly.

I look around at all the stuff we have, and while yes, I recognize the blessing, I often feel overwhelmed. I don't NEED more stuff. Heck, I don't even want more stuff. Yet, it feels like that's what we live for, to get to this point where we can achieve more, do more, get more. I'm tired of it.

In my Scripture reading, sermons I've been listening to, books I've been reading and teaching I've sat under recently, it seems like God is just pounding in the same message over and over - "I've got something for you worth far more. Something that is going to require that you be willing to part with the stuff, separate with the familiar, and walk in faith down a new path. Something that will require that you trust me with the safety of your children, with provision for your family, with the very needs of your soul."

This may sound scary to some, but I'm excited for what is to come, so much so that I'm frustrated it's not clear to me yet.

For a long time, I've made excuses for why I didn't do certain things. While missions has always been heavy on my heart, I've made the excuse that it's just not the season of my life for that, because it would be difficult for me to go on a missions trip having to find care for my children while I'm gone and what not. Or while reaching out and getting to know my neighbors better has been on my heart, there's always something that "gets in the way" of me inviting them over. I'm sick of making excuses. I know I'm missing out on what God has for me. I know I'm not giving Him all He wants from me.

I don't want to be held back by fear, busyness, wrong goals, self-centeredness, fatigue or excuses.

I want to live a real Spirit-filled life. A life that allows God to transform how I look at others - everyone, my kids, neighbors, husband, people I don't know, family, etc. A life that changes the way I treat others, because I see them through God's eyes and not my own. A life that is lived solely for the purpose of serving others and modeling Christ to those around me. A life that is focused on God and His kingdom and the real purpose of life here on earth. A life that is missional - seeking the lost, not avoiding them - for the purpose of sharing Christ.

Even now I struggle putting into words exactly what God has laid so heavy on my heart. Maybe because I'm not sure yet what exactly this is going to look like. I just know it means HUGE changes. Some of you who know me, may not see it as huge changes, but the weight of it, the heaviness of it, tells me it's big. And I want to be ready. I want to be willing. I don't want to get in the way any more. Christ lives in me, which means this life is no longer mine. It is for His purpose only. My prayer is that He will make that true of my life. That it will be only for His glory that I live, speak, act.

Letting Go of Expectations

We all have these expectations of life. They may be things like what a friendship is supposed to be like, how much money we should have, how we think someone else should treat us, how much time something should take, how are children should behave, what are social status should be, what our job should be, etc. The list could go on and on and on. So what is my point? Well, let me ask you a question, How many of your expectations you have created for life have been satisfied?

How many things have actually turned out the way you expected them to? Maybe your are fortunate enough to name a few. But I bet if we really thought long and hard about all the expectations we've created for our lives, we would all probably have to say very few, if any, have been satisfied in the way we expected them to be.

I'm beginning to learn to let go. This isn't easy, because it means I have to change my way of thinking about everything. And I do mean EVERYTHING.

 Not everything has to be done exactly the way I would have done it or the way I think is best. Other people can do it their way and you know what, it's ok. This became most evident to me in the area of cleaning the house. We have a lot of people who live in this house, so it's not easy to keep up on the mess around here. Even with help it's a struggle. But I realized I do need help, so my kids do a lot of cleaning. I teach them how, and of course I expect their best, but that's just it - THEIR best, not mine. The only way I can appreciate them helping is if I accept their best. I could try to control how well they clean, but really how effective will that be when they are still relatively young? I'm just glad I don't have to do it all. (By the way, this concept goes for my husband as well. Let's be real, he just doesn't see the mess the way I do.)

Relationships are just another area I've realized that having expectations sets me up for disappointment. I am not by any means suggesting that we become doormats to be trampled on, I am rather noting the fact that people are not perfect and that includes me. When I think about the issues I've had with friendships or in my marriage or even with my children, I realize that MOST of the time it was because I had set up these expectations of what I thought they should do in a given situation and they did not respond to that situation in the way I thought they would. I mean, I really don't know why because clearly I already had THE BEST scenario already planned out. All they had to do was just read my mind and follow the steps exactly as I was making them up as the situation played out. Couldn't be that hard, right? (Note sarcasm). Other issues have come from them expecting me to respond a certain way, and of course I didn't. So I quit. To some extent I have to hold certain standards, but I shouldn't expect people to live up to them all of the time, because that my friends is where the trouble begins. I need to let go of these ridiculous expectations of what I think my level of friendship with someone should be, or what that friendship should look like, or what exactly my husband should be like by now (Come on, it's been almost 12 yrs, you would think I would have figured that out by now).

Social status, money, living standard, whatever you want to call it, I've let go of where I think I should be at this point. Clearly, God has other plans for our family. I think about the fact that according to US standards, we are poor. I do not mean that in the exaggerated sense we hear people use all the time, I mean it in the we qualify for food stamps, medical, whatever other type of government assistance is available. While we do use some of this help, we do not take advantage of all these that we technically qualify for. Instead, we choose to sacrifice certain things we do not need, which comes as a huge shock for people, but trust me, you would be surprised to know what you can actually live without. We rely on hand me down and garage sale clothes and reuse most of our school supplies, but is this really poor? This country we live in considers us to be among the poor, yet I look around my house and I see the plenty. We live in a four bedroom house that is fully furnished. We have far more clothes than we actually NEED. I'm sitting here typing on a computer, my own computer, one of four in our house. There are two cars sitting outside in my driveway, not new, but still we have two, and my husband doesn't even have to drive to work. Maybe we don't drive brand new vehicles, subscribe to hundreds of cable channels, own expensive smart phones or buy hardly anything at full price, but we are a far cry from what poor is really. I'm not trying to put anyone on a guilt trip about how they talk about their finances, because I still make "we're poor" jokes and remarks from time to time, but I really had to change my perspective on the life I live if I wanted any chance at being content. Because being content in my situation is not about the situation I'm in, it's about my perspective on that situation. We could be a lot worse off, honestly. We still have a home to live in and we eat multiple times a day. That alone is enough for me to stop my whining at those times when I'm starting to not feel satisfied because we are not where I expected we would be at this point.

My womb is another area I've really had to let go of my expectations. Aside from the fact that I have been wrong about the gender of baby we were expecting in the past, the fact that we are pregnant now is so far from what I expected. So those of you who know that we do not prevent pregnancies in any way are probably scratching your heads wondering how I didn't expect this. The truth is, I truly believed that after I had Gideon (my first son), that through a crazy remark that came out of nowhere God was telling me we were only going to have six and specifically three girls and three boys which is what we have currently. After that came true, I expected to be done. Our pregnancy with Nehemiah actually was a surprise, but I was almost not really surprised to find out we lost him, because of this. I know this sounds crazy. It sounds crazy to me too, just so you realize I am not that far off from normal, but I can't just ignore the fact that came out in that crazy remark actually did happen, and I don't believe in coincidences. That brings us to our current pregnancy. When I found out I was pregnant, for weeks I was kind of expecting to miscarry again. Even though all is going well in the pregnancy so far, I still don't know what will happen, but that's the point. How can I have an expectation either way at this point? In the 9 times I have been pregnant (including this time), we have had six healthy babies and two miscarriage. This one is still yet to be determined. So far, it is looking like another healthy baby will be born, so I am preparing for that. Yet, after losing a child, when all was going well, I also realize that I have to remain prepared for the possible.

Letting go of expectations may seem like I'm just becoming a hippy or something, or maybe that I've lost my mind. Maybe I have lost my mind, but I've found peace in fully trusting God. When I create all these expectations for my life, I put God in this box and say, "You need to work out these situations in exactly this way, because I've already figured out what would be best for me." How can I possibly even know what would be best for me? I do not gain the wisdom until I have lived through it, and even then I'm often a little slow on the uptake.

Besides, I'm tired of being stressed out living a dissatisfied life because things aren't going my way. It's frustrating. Even as I write this I think about how this first week of summer break is definitely not meeting my expectation of what I thought our summer break would be like - I'm pretty sure I said this isn't really an easy lesson to learn and I'm still learning to let go. I always have loved to learn, so I welcome the lessons.

Almost Half-Way Review

It's about half way into the year and I think it's time to review how I've been doing with the goals I've made.

The word I chose for this year is PRAYER. I've never been one to do well with prayer lists. Mainly, because I start to get bored praying for the same things over and over again. Well, I knew when I started out this year with word being PRAYER that I was really going to be challenged in how I pray. This was so true when it came to a prayer list. Not that I think everyone needs to make a list and pray through it each day, but it was something I needed to be challenged to do. There has been times when boredom has definitely set in and the prayer becomes, "God you know what's written here and what the needs are, but quite honestly, I'm too tired to go through them one by one." After a few days of that, God gently reminds me that this is why I needed to be challenged in this area. I am so thankful for those reminders that help me get back on track.

Another way I have been challenged this year through PRAYER is to pray for a specific person, every day for a week, and then write them a note letting them know they have been prayed for including a little card with the Scripture God leads me to pray for them. Sometimes I don't know the person. Sometimes, I don't know how to pray for them. So I really have to be listening to God and allowing Him to guide me how to pray. This has actually been kind of fun, because God knows exactly what prayers that person needs, and sometimes after they have received their card they tell me that's just what they needed. It's so cool to see God work in that way!

So far, God has shown me how to keep in constant communication with Him, and how to refocus when my brain wants to get off-track when I set aside a time dedicated to prayer. I really need this brain-training.

I also made some other goals for this year, like being healthier. I have been doing great eating much better, but not so great with the exercising until recently. I seem to have no trouble getting out and walking and doing stuff when the weather is nice, but those winter months seem to suck out every ounce of energy I have. So at least the exercising is going better now that the weather is better. I'll take it, even if it did take me almost half the year. 

Trying to decide how I've been doing on the projects. I think I've been doing better about not starting something new unless I know I can finish it. But I've been really tired for a while, so I haven't been starting too many projects. 

Which brings me to some news: We are pregnant again! 

Obviously after last year, this comes with a smorgasboard of thoughts and emotions, but I think back to how God has worked in my life, over and over again, and I know I do not need to worry about anything. 

I am going to continue on in the second half of this year making a commitment to memorize more Scripture. So many reasons to do so, but for me, I was challenged to have more God's Word hidden in my heart, lest one day our freedom of worship be taken away. Also, it has been so cool to pray Scripture over so many people this year, that I want to have more stored up in my mind for when God wants to me to use it for prayer or to speak to others or to remind me of what He says or for whatever other reason.

Blocked by a Wall of Foil

For the past week, I've been reading in Ezra. I'm not finished yet, but there is such an interesting theme screaming to me off the pages that I can't help but write about it.

Quick Summary: Cyrus King of Persia was "was stirred by the Lord" to call the exiled Israelites back to Jerusalem to rebuild the temple. Not only did he call them back, but he ordered the people to given them anything they needed to help them accomplish this. Then everyone "whose spirit God had stirred" got up and went. When they got there it took two years to finish collecting the needed materials before they could begin to build. Once they finally got started, the other people who lived in the land tried everything they could to prevent them from building. This went on for years until there was a new king. The people wrote to this new king asking for his help to stop them from their work and he issued a decree forcing them to stop. The Israelites then had to wait until the next king was in place before being allowed to continue the rebuilding of the temple. (Italicized words are quoted from the ESV)

So God moved the heart of a unbelieving king to gather His people together. He then moved in the hearts of his people to uproot them from the place they were then living to go back to their homeland to begin rebuilding the temple that had been destroyed. They entered into a land that had been taken over by their enemies. These same people did whatever they could to hinder their work. Eventually they had to stop and wait years before they could continue.

Despite all obstacles, they pressed on.

They knew this is what God had called them to do. We know it too, because it's written right there in Scripture that their spirit was stirred by God to go and do this. Yet, they still had to spend time waiting. They still faced many obstacles. 

The stopping and starting, the constant interference, was not enough to stop them. Why?

How often do we begin to question and doubt if what God called us to do is really what God called us to do, simply because things don't seem to be progressing like they should, or we are facing many obstacles?

I guess what screams to me off the pages of Ezra is when God calls us to do something, when He stirs our spirit to do His work, this does not mean it is all going to go smoothly. It does not mean there will not be obstacles. It does not mean there won't be times of stopping and waiting. 

But what are we supposed to do in those times? 

The Israelites pressed on. They stayed ready. When God called them back to their homeland out of exile, they packed up and left immediately. They were ready. When it took years to gather the materials, they continued to collect what they could, when they could. When they began their work and the people of the land tried to stop them, they continued to work. They pressed on. When they were ordered to stop working, they stayed ready and eventually went back to their work before being given permission. They pressed on.

I can't help but ask myself, "What obstacles have I allowed to turn me away from what God has called me?" "Have I allowed a time of waiting to turn into doubt?"

These obstacles seem like huge iron fortresses that make the work we have been called to do seem impossible. But on closer inspection we find they are simply made of foil (reflecting our past fears but easily crumpled by Truth). 

God's will is always going to prevail. He may allow us to experience setbacks. This does not mean we were wrong about where He called us. 

How committed am I to His calling? Am I willing to press on, even when the walls in front of me seem impossible? Am I staying ready in times of waiting, so that when He reopens the gateway, I can continue forward?

I pray I never cease to be amazed at how God speaks through His Word. 

Age is Just a Number

Lately, I've been feeling too young. Being 31, I probably shouldn't feel too young about anything, but I do. Maybe it's because a lot of women that I am close to are older than me. Maybe it's because I am usually the youngest in my seeming group of peers. To be honest, I'm not sure exactly why, I've just been feeling too young.

This has been most dominant in the area of ministry. Too young to hold certain positions, too young to be effective in this area, too young to know how to do this well. 

It's funny how these things kind of creep up on you, because until today, I didn't realize how much I was feeling this way.

Command and teach these things. Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in faith, in purity. Until I come devote yourself to the public reading of Scripture, to exhortation, to teaching. Do not neglect the gift you have, which was given you by prophecy when the council of elders laid their hands on you. Practice these things, immerse yourself in them, so that all may see your progress. Keep a close watch on yourself and on the teaching. Persist in this, for by doing so you will save both yourself and your hearers.

1 Timothy 4:11-16

This was part of the passage I read today. Up to this point, I have pretty much attributed this verse to those in their teens and early twenties. Let's be honest, that's who it's most often spoken to in teaching. Today, I decided to look up some information about how old Timothy was at this point. From what has been gathered from historical information, he is probably about 26-35 yrs. old at the time Paul writes this letter to him. That's my age!

Could Timothy have been feeling the same way I am at this point? 

Here God has sent him out on mission, alone, without Paul - his mentor and guide. He's put into a position where he now has to become the teacher and mentor. Now I'm not saying I'm Timothy and that God is going to lead me to do the same things he is doing here, but wow do I relate. 

Yeah, I'm an adult and have adult responsibilities and all of that, but there's still that nagging thought at the back of my mind, "Am I ready? Am I old enough? Am I mature enough? Will others think I'm too young?" 

Now, I said I didn't realize until today how much I've been feeling this way. When I read this passage, almost immediately conversations came popping back into my mind of instances when I actually said out loud to people "I don't feel like I'm old enough to do that" or "I probably wouldn't be asked because I'm not old enough" or "I'm not sure I'm ready to handle that at my age". Then I was reminded of thoughts that I've had that weren't spoken out loud, but had stopped me from doing certain things. 

God was really speaking to me, making it loud and clear, This  passage is not just for younger people. It's for you. It's for everyone who thinks they're too young or not ready or not well respected enough. It's for everyone I call to do ministry (whatever that ministry is). It doesn't matter how old you are, because the God of eternity is the One at work. He is the one who chooses whom He will use and how. He is the one that makes a ministry effective. 

This is what happens when we lose sight of who is truly the one at work. We start to doubt. I need to regain my focus on Him who is able to do abundantly more than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us (Eph. 3:20), because to Him the glory will be given.

To the Love of My Life

Happy Valentine's Day!!!

I love Valentine's Day. My husband and I don't really do anything like go out, but I do try to do something special for those I love. 

Here is a little song I wrote for the love of my life. You can read it as a poem, but I've been singing it all week.

My heart was changed the day we met

It was a day I’ll never forget

You were the one chasing after me

While I was still trying be wild and free

They say that distance makes the heart grow fonder

But that is something I know nothing about

You promised you would never leave me

And you’ve never given me reason to doubt

You whisper sweet everythings in my ear

Like everlasting love and grace beyond compare

People call their loves the wind beneath their wings

But you’re the solid rock to which I cling

They say to follow your heart

And let your passion lead you

I can’t resist following your Truth

They measure love from the moon and back

You measure love with the palms of your hands

You crossed your heart and hoped to die

Just so I could be given life

They show their love with candy and flowers

They write notes about a moment in time

You pour on me your grace and mercy

And your letter has eternity defined

You forgave me, you changed me

You took my hand to be your wife

You fight for me, You died for me

Jesus, you’re the love of my life.

Real Food

Your words were found, and I ate them, 

and Your word was to me the joy and rejoicing of my heart;

 for I am called by Your name, O Lord God of hosts.

Jeremiah 15:16

How many times have you heard someone say, "I read the Bible, but I'm just not getting anything out of it" or even "It's kind of boring"? How many times have you said it yourself? I admit these are words I have spoken, or at least thought at times. Today, I came across the above verse, looking through some verse cards I have printed out. It stopped me. Immediately, I thought about one of the books I'm reading The Quest for More by Paul Tripp. It's about living for the Big Kingdom in our everyday life. 

Isn't this where it begins? To take every moment of your every day and turn it from living in our little kingdoms where we reign, and make it mean something for the Kingdom of God, doesn't it start with the Word of God being the joy of our hearts? 

Wait, let's back up a minute. I guess we would have to say it really starts with the statement made at the end of this verse "For I am called by Your name, O Lord God of hosts." We've been called out of our little kingdoms. We've been dethroned. Those who have been called to be followers of Christ, have been called by another name. We have been called by the name of the Lord God, because it is His Spirit which lives within us.

If that is true, then my little kingdom no longer exists. The little kingdom I call my life, my world, my time here on this earth is no longer mine. 

I can try to retain my control, my rule, but to no avail, for I have been dethroned.

This is not a bad thing, in fact, it is just the opposite. You see, I am a terrible ruler. Every decision I make is for my own gain, even those that seem to be for the benefit of others is done only to make me feel good, or to better my reputation. Not only are they made in selfishness, but made with limited knowledge about how to bring about that personal good. When I rule, I feed on my own words, intelligence, strength, feelings. And my heart mourns. It mourns because my kingdom will never be the way I want it. 

But it is not my kingdom any more. A greater King has taken over. He has even taken up residency in my castle. While, I had invited Him in, at times I wasn't sure what was really happening. He began replacing my furniture with His, first one room, then the next. I was glad He was there, yet, I didn't want to give up my reign. So, I refused to let Him into certain rooms, for fear He would take them over as well. Of course, these actions confuse the people in my little kingdom. At times, they aren't sure who is ruling. For there are many times, I am content to allow Him to make decisions and and listen to His word with anticipation. His words are filled with such love, such joy, such peace. But then, there are times when I don't want to listen. I want my kingdom back. I want to make my own decisions and listen to my own words. These times are filled with anger and bitterness and I don't like them. 

I battle with myself, because I know He is a far greater ruler than I. His words are filled to the brim with nourishment for the deepest parts of my soul. His words bring joy and peace because He speaks truth. His kingdom thrives because He keeps every promise and makes decisions knowing not just the past, but the present and future as well. I know all of this, yet, at times I ignore it and go back to thinking that my ideas, my plans, my goals have some value. 

If He is the Lord God of hosts, who has called me, how can I not be nourished by His word? How do they not bring joy and rejoicing to my heart? 

If ever I am reading the very Word of God and my heart is not captured, I must ask the question- who is ruling this kingdom? How can my every day mean anything for the Big Kingdom if His Word does not stir me? How can I possibly know how to live, if I do not listen to His Words? 

Hopefully, His Word does bring joy to your heart, and you are receiving that joy more and more each day as you sit at His feet. While I try very hard, I am not always consistent about reading my Bible. But the more I do it, the more I want to do it and the more I choose to do it. May we continue to sit at His feet and stop trying to get back on the throne. 

A "Word" of Understanding

"Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure."

Philippians 2:12-13

Lately, I have gotten back in the habit of keeping a dictionary near when reading my Bible. I love to look up certain words and understand the context they are being used in to help me understand more clearly what exactly it is saying. After reading these two verses today, I looked up the word "work". 

There were so many definitions given, but I wrote down the ones that seemed to fit best in the context and then realized something - it seemed like each time the word "work" was used it could be replaced with a different definition given. This was exciting! I mean, honestly, if you read the passage above it may seem confusing how many times the word "work" is used (eg. "work out your own salvation", "for it is God who works in you"). You may read that and think "Well, which is it?" It's both. Let me show you what I did that made it all make so much more sense, at least to me.

"Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, prepare for use exerting oneself physically and mentally your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who brings to pass in you, both to will and to function according to plan or design for his good pleasure."

It all started to make so much more sense! You see, we are responsible for our obedience. This is the "work out your own salvation" part. We are to prepare ourselves for use by exerting ourselves physically and mentally (obeying). That is how we "work". 

God is the one who brings it to pass. It is God's work in us that allows us to obey. He is the author of salvation and brings to pass salvation in us.

His "work" in us is so that we have the will to obey and will function according to the His design and plan for us. A plan for His good pleasure - because He delights in us and in our obedience. 

I don't know about you, but while I had a semi-understanding of the above passage before, this just made it so much clearer and I had to share! I am so excited to have a better understanding between the connection of what God expects from us and His part that He fulfills in us. So amazing!

Happy New Year!!

I waited to write this post until today, because I like to begin new things by looking back. Why? because I think when we stop to look back we go forward remembering what we have learned.

For me, this past year felt like one long trust fall into the arms of God.

If you go back through my old posts, you would know that my word for last year was FOCUS. I wanted to learn how to really focus on God. I'm still not sure if that was right or if trust or peace would have been a more accurate description of what God did in me throughout this last year.

From the very beginning, I knew our finances were going to be a big part of God working in me. Last January is when my husband and I began to make some significant changes regarding our finances. Mainly, being more of a team with him making the final decisions. I knew this would be hard for me, because I'm somewhat of a control freak, but I also knew I had to learn to let him lead. It started in chaos. Not that we were fighting and arguing, but that we thought we had everything all figured out and it wasn't. Of course, I should have known this would be a learning process. However, God used this to start preparing me to trust Him for what was to come later. He took care of us at that time and He has continued to do so.

Our church was beginning the process to prepare for the start of community groups. Joshua expressed he wanted us to have one in our home, and he wanted to lead it. This is so against his nature, I knew this must be God's leading, so I agreed and we began to prepare for it. God had already began working on me, teaching me to let my husband lead. This was just going to be another step in the process, but I welcomed it.

 Not too long after this, Joshua decided I needed to quit my job. We had been talking about it for awhile. Both knowing God was leading to this, but both being hesitant about actually doing it. Finally, Joshua told me I had to do it, and I knew he was right. So I quit. You cannot believe how much more well rested I have been since I did! Yeah, we're loosing out on that money, but honestly, I don't even notice because God has provided in so many ways.

One trust fall after another.

But none would impact my life as much as Nehemiah.

Just about a month and a half after quitting my job, we found out we had lost the baby I was carrying. I will not go into all the details about it now, I've written many blogs about that time that you are welcome to go back and read. What I will say, is that all those trust falls I had just done, were not without purpose. Because I KNEW that God had me in His arms and I had never known greater peace and joy than I did when I held Nehemiah in my hands and looked into his face.

I will not say the rest of my year went great, but, God held me. The peace never left. He has continued to work in my heart and life in different ways and each step, He has given me what I needed to take it.

So as a new year begins and I think about what God may have in store, I remember the peace He gives. The joy He gives no matter what is to come.

I still like to make some resolutions each year, but I'm a little more broad, as I realize whatever method I start out the year using to accomplish one of these goals may need to be a adjusted or scrapped and a new method used.

Once again, I chose verses for each member of our family to pray for them. I didn't realize until today, that the verse I chose for myself, was one that was frequently used in my blogs throughout the last year. How fitting that I keep in mind God's faithfulness throughout this new year with Phil. 4:6-7.

Here are the things I want to challenge myself to do this year:

1. Pray for others more. Really pray for others frequently and consistently. I want others to know the peace and joy that I have and to experience God's rich blessings of life, hope, and the Holy Spirit.

2. Follow through. I'm one of those people who starts projects, but then doesn't finish them. I want to challenge myself to be better at finishing the projects I start. This may include being better at deciding what projects to begin.

3. Be healthier. I want to eat healthier and exercise more. (I'm eating Reese cups as I write this.) Over the last few months I have been doing much better at eating healthier and enjoying it! I have learned for me to be successful in that area, it can't be about following a specific diet plan, but learning about making healthier choices and then making changes little by little as I am ready to do them. As far as exercising more - I'm still trying to figure out how I can do that better.

4. Be ready for whatever God wants to teach me. Often I'm too hard-headed and stubborn to accept that God is trying to get me to learn something. With all that He has taught me, I want to learn more.

This year my word will be PRAYER. I do believe last year I learned to FOCUS on God. This year, while I continue to focus on Him, I want to deepen my communication with Him. I already pray a lot, but I know I always have a lot to learn.

Have a Happy and Prayerful New Year!