I Just HAVE to Share!

I've been completely stressing out this last week. Our house is still a disaster zone as we continue to paint and move furniture. On top of that I have major papers due for school and finals coming up. I think my boys are sick and my kitten has fleas.

These are just life stuff, but what I HAVE to share is what I read this morning...

Isaiah 11 is where Isaiah not only prophesies about the coming Messiah, but also His eventual reign over a perfected earth. 

Now that may not seem exciting to you, but Holy Cow! Isaiah is basically telling the people of Israel and Judah that with all the crazy stuff that was happening to them and that was going to happen, their hope was to be placed in the fact that Jesus will not only come to earth as a man, die and be resurrected, but that He will return again and set up His kingdom where those who have been obedient to His call will live with HIm for eternity. This is in the Old Testament people! Before Jesus even came, before David was even born. Way, way, way back, this is where they were told to place their hope.

Boy, do I feel like Peter right now. Peter took His eyes off of Jesus for just a moment to look around him at his present situation and started to drown, when if he had kept his eyes ahead of him, on Christ, he would have continued to defy the laws of nature. (Matt. 14:22-36).

Basically, I was reminded to quit looking around me at what is going on in this life, and look to what I know is to come! Whew! What a relief and fresh sense of energy and renewal. 

Nothing in the present matters outside of the context of the future. If that doesn't give you a new perspective, you're dead.

To Save a Life...

Recently, I shared a little bit about this with the women in my Bible study group, but I"m going to expand on it some here, for good reason.

A while back my husband and I were having some major issues in our marriage. During this time, I was hurt, angry, bitter. It had gotten so bad that I wanted a divorce and was trying to figure out how I could leave. Then, I found out I was pregnant. I did not want this baby. After all, how was I going to take care of these children on my own? What was I going to do if the child looked like him and was a living reminder each day of how much he hurt me? What was I going to do?

I could not have an abortion, but what I considered was just as ugly. Self-induced miscarriage. I spent a lot of time trying to think of ways I could make myself miscarry this child. I even looked up some things on the internet. It wasn't just because I didn't want to have another baby, but I also wanted to hurt Josh as much as I felt like he had hurt me. 

God got to me. He refused to let it happen. He opened my eyes and made me realize how ridiculous I was being. It took a miracle, but He delivered. Why? Because He is the God of miracles. 

In my brokenness, I cried out to Him. Literally, cried, weeped, was on my knees before Him in prayer, because I was tired of trying to do this on my own. I couldn't handle my life anymore. For three days, this is what I did. By the end of those three days, I was ready to listen to what God had to say, and what He said was that divorce and losing this baby was not in His plan for my life. And then the miracle happened. The major issue that was ripping my family apart was eliminated. There was still a lot of work to be done on repairing our relationship, but I knew that I was not going to go through with a divorce and yes, I was going to have the baby. I do not have a particular Scripture that God used to speak to me at that time, because quite frankly, I was not in the Word. However, because of what I had learned through the years, in my time of prayer God brought back to my mind some of the truths in His Word.

Jade is turning four today. She is a true delight! Such a blessing from God. Jade is definitely strong-willed. She is always surprising us with how well she understands things and is most always giggly and goofy giving us all a good laugh! I can't imagine my life without her.

Funny thing is that Jade is the most like me out of all of my children. It's a reminder that during a time when I wanted to self-destruct God has something different in mind - life. 

O Lord, I thank you that you are love and that you saw fit to extend your grace and mercy to someone as undeserving as me, and that you did what you had to do to preserve Jade - may she be forever Yours!

Choosing to be a Prisoner?

At church yesterday, my pastor and our worship leader spoke about freedom and being freed from the bondage of sin. I started thinking...

Imagine you have been convicted of a crime. You pleaded guilty, you knew you did it, so you didn't even bother trying to deny it. The judge sentences you death. But then someone offers to take your place. The judge takes their offer and lets you go free. You are ecstatic!! You almost had to spend the rest of your days in a prison cell until they finally decided to carry out your death sentence, but now you are free! 

Now imagine one day, you walked into the prison, went into a cell and closed the door behind you, then started crying out for someone to help you.

We are sinners who have been convicted of death. But Christ took the punishment of death for us. When we give Christ Lordship over our lives, we are granted freedom from the punishment of our sin. 

You are probably asking the question, "Why would anyone have walked back into the prison and put themselves into a cell when they are free?" 

This is what we do, when we live as though we are enslaved to sin. You see, when Christ died on the cross He took on all our sin - past, present, and future. He took it. He gave us freedom. Walking into that cell is what we do when we begin to feel defeated by sin. We go back into old habits and patterns, or even start new ones. Then we cry out to God for freedom, and He says, "I've already given you freedom, now start living like you're free!"

His death was once and for all. He doesn't need to keep freeing us over and over again. We just need to start living like we are free. 

So what does it mean to live like you are free? If you asked someone who had been released from prison what it would mean for them to now live like they were free, I'm sure they would not say that going back to their old life of crime with the threat of going back to prison would be true freedom. But being released as though you had never committed a crime, no record to stain your reputation, now that's true freedom. That is what we have been given. Christians have the choice to live in the freedom that they have been given through Christ's blood, in Christ's strength. Or to allow themselves to be falsely bound by sin. I say falsely bound, because once we have been freed by the blood of Christ, sin no longer has power over us. Satan no longer has the upper hand. We may feel like it does, because we are weak in our own strength - but it doesn't.

 

What sins are your prison cell? 

Are you going to continue to live as though you are a prisoner, or are you going to live in your freedom?

I thought of a few of my own, and let me tell you, I would much rather live in the freedom I have in Christ. 

Go live in freedom. 

Bearing Children and Fruit

"My children, with whom I am again in labor until Christ is formed in you-"

Galatians 4:19

Today my pastor used this verse during his sermon, and it got me thinking. Why use this analogy unless there is something about this actual experience that can teach us something? I have had five children and with that five different experiences regarding childbirth, however, the more I think about it, the more I realize how they have been pictures of my spiritual growth. Allow me to illustrate, without grossing you out too much ; )

My childbirth experiences:

With my first child I was in labor (from the time my water broke until she was born) 15 hours. I was determined to go natural so I tried every method I could remember to help bear with the pain. It eventually became evident that I had back labor. This means the baby is facing the wrong direction when going down into the birth canal, putting added pressure on my back. It also means that contractions are much worse, and the baby has to be turned while you are pushing so he/she can actually come out. 

My second child was unexpectedly born early during a stressful time of life. With her, I was in labor for 25 hours. I had to be induced and could not get out of bed due to some medicine they had to give me. This, of course, made it much more difficult to deal with the pain of the contractions. Just as I was ready to give up and get an epidural, she came down enough for me to push. 

My third labor, I don't remember much about. I do remember that I needed to push before being fully dilated. The doctors and nurses didn't believe me and left the room. I had to yell for them to come back in and literally pushed her out 15 minutes later. However, since they had not done much to help prepare me, I had a lot of tearing. Most unfortunately, I could feel all of the stitches they had to give me. Ouch!

The fourth labor was much easier. The pain of my contractions was all in the top of my thighs, so it was not as intense. While obviously, it was still somewhat painful, at this point I knew much more about what to expect and had good help throughout the process. Much easier.

The fifth was a breeze. Almost. My water broke before contractions began and from that time until birth was only 5 hours. Again the pressure was mostly in the top of my thighs, which allowed me to sleep most of the time. Yahoo! The hardest part was obviously pushing, which again didn't take long, and I had much better support.

All of them ended in the birth of a new life. Each one different in it's own way and each child was bigger than the last (except my second who was early, but would have been bigger than my first had she come on time). 

So what does all this have to do with spiritual growth? Oh, I can't wait to tell you!

The labor and birth of my first child reminds me of when I came to Christ. I had spent a lot of time using what I knew trying to handle the pains and problems of life my own way. I even tried to apply what I had learned about God's Word, but still was attempting to be strong and do it on my own. I had a limited relationship with my child while she was still in my womb, but my baby had to turn to face the right direction before she could take her first breath so she could really start living and have a living, breathing relationship with me. It wasn't until I turned to face the right direction, away from the world and the reflection of myself, toward Christ, that I was able to enter into a relationship with Him, changing my life forever.

My second child came at a stressful time of life, unexpectedly. It was a long, hard labor and just as I was ready to give up - she was born. This is a reminder to me of what I consider to be a major time of spiritual growth in my life. At that point, life had been stressful for awhile, and was only getting worse. And it all came crashing down unexpectedly. I had been trying, again, to work out my problems on my own, but didn't realize it this time. Just when I was ready to give up and give in, God worked. It was a one of those big peaks along my spiritual journey, that I will not forget.

My third experience with labor is a reminder to me of those times in life when we know we need help, but no one really listens until the last minute. By that time, growth is extremely painful. Relationships may need to be stitched back together afterwards, which also can be painful. Fortunately, as we learn forgiveness, the way God intended it to be, we begin to forget the ugliness of these times and just remember the growth that came from them, and what we can do differently the next time we find ourselves in that place, so that the growth doesn't have to be so painful.

My fourth labor was much different than the previous three, but also much easier. I had great support and didn't have to endure as much pain to bring forth life. As I have grown spiritually, I have learned, how to get the support I need, and to desire change so that it comes without so much struggle. 

My fifth labor proves what I just said. In fact, growth can come somewhat peacefully. Yes, there is still pain in the process as we have to put off sin, but we know the joy that will come in the end and look forward to it. 

Just as my labors got progressively easier, spiritual growth should also. Just as my children got progressively bigger, so should the fruit we produce as Christians. 

You may think this is a stretch, but I'm marveling in the beauty of how God uses my life to show me pictures of Himself.

Fast food or a life?

This I have been wanting to write for some time, but have put it off and am now glad that I did, as I have been able to better formulate my thoughts. My goal here is to make more easily understood a common and devastating issue. I only hope this helps to clarify. I refer to this problem as Fast Food Christianity. Recently a professor in one of my classes I took this last week made a reference to “fast food Jesus” recalling to mind this very topic that I have been wanting to write. By now I’m sure you are wondering what I mean (yes, I am assuming you’re interest, haha), so let me create a picture for you:

Imagine you drive up to a fast food restaurant. Behind the microphone, Jesus greets you with “May I take your order?” You respond with, “Yes, I’ld like an eternal life in heaven with no commitment. And may I exchange my kingdom treasures for riches here on earth? Thank you!” You excitedly grab your bag at the window and drive away without checking to see if you even got exactly what you ordered, only to later realize that this is not what you received. You’re angry about not getting what you ordered, but decide it’s too late to go back, so you settle with what you got, false hope that is deep-fried and salted to disguise its damaging effects.

You may laugh at such an idea, but this is what many people believe about Christianity, and even worse what many churches are teaching about salvation. That you decide when you are going to go to Jesus, based on when it is convenient for you and not going to cost you much, to request your eternity in heaven (which sounds great in comparison to hell) and a life of peace. He, of course, is supposed to freely hand this over upon your request and allow you to go on your way, back to your life of sin and destructive behavior. 

For those who believe this, I have alarming news for you: JESUS DID NOT WORK AT MCDONALD’S!

This convenient, fast and easy-believism is not what Christ teaches in Scripture. Instead, He offers a far better alternative. Consider this scenario instead:

You receive a letter and this is what it says: “Dear [insert your name], I am your Father. You have rejected me ever since you were born, choosing instead to live in someone else’s house under someone else’s authority. I have sought you out because I love you. I want you back as my child. I will treat you as my child - caring for you and loving you, always keeping your best interest in mind, but also disciplining your disobedience. The one you now live with has allowed you to think you set your own path and steer your own course, because this is what you wanted. I will play no such games. I expect you to follow the course I have laid out for you. You see, I have already paid for you. You have been a slave and I had to buy you back. I paid for you with my own life, in death. I have come back from death to claim you. I am now inviting you to accept me as your Lord. Leave your life behind and come receive what I have for you."

This isn’t easy or convenient. Responding to this invitation requires sacrificing all that you have lived for to live for someone else. But on second thought, it also means you no longer have to go from pleasure to pleasure, trying to satisfy your desires. While it is entirely free, it demands a commitment. You have to be willing to obey, willing to live for the purpose of someone else’s pleasure. 

Hmmm... this is not an easy decision. But this is what Christ requires of us (Luke 14:33).  What we often fail to see is that the latter IS the better alternative. What do we gain by trying to use Christ as a side dish while we feast on this world? Nothing. What do we gain by giving over our lives in obedience to Him? Security. True love. A relationship. True peace. Hope for a future. Eternity in the presence of our Lord/Savior/King- A reward well worth the cost!

The Forbidden Topic

Ok people, I am going to write about something that I've been wanting to write about, but struggling to decide how I want to broach this topic. And the topic is...

Sex.

Now, I am going to use my own life as an example, but I am not going to be explicit, so if you were looking for any type of titillating details you've come to the wrong place. I do however, feel a need to write about it, as I have seen how God has been uncovering some issues in my life regarding this very topic.

I think about sex, a lot. Sometimes more than I should. Sometimes in ways that I should not.

Yes, women think about sex. I enjoy sex just as much as my husband and am thankful that God created such a wonderfully intimate thing to draw us closer to one another in our marriage relationship.

I call this the forbidden topic, because my experience has been that Christians do not want to talk about it, or are uncomfortable with this subject. In some ways, it has been painted as something that is dirty, completely sinful and disgusting. But what happens when we are not being taught what the Bible says about sex, we are going to get our information from the world, and the world is more than happy to give it. This is a problem. And this is exactly what I have done.

Now, I am not blaming the church for my lack of understanding, because as a Christian it is my responsibility to read and study Scripture for myself. I do, however, believe that part of the church's function is to teach Scripture and it is a topic that gets pushed to the wayside far too often.

Ok, let me go back to explaining what I mean. When I was growing up, no one would talk to me about sex. Not people in the church, not anyone in my Christian school, not even my parents. The most they would say about the topic is "Don't have sex until you are married." I think one time someone tried to touch on the topic of boundaries as far as relationships go. This is a good thing to say, but what I needed, was how to view sex from a Christian worldview. That is to say, how to look at it through the lens of the Bible.

Our world is over-sensualized. It is no longer enough for a girl to be pretty or beautiful, she should be "sexy". We see it in clothing, magazines, hairstyles, even make-up is about how sexy we can make ourselves look. As if every thing we do, should be for the purpose of arousing the lusts of those around us.

From the time I was in middle school, I remember trying to work out this subject in my mind and what it means for me as a girl, a teenager, a young adult, and now a woman. I understood that it was wrong to have sex before marriage, but did not understand it in the sense of keeping myself pure before God, so I began to allow the world to shape my view of sex at a young age. Yes, this led me down the wrong path as far as choices I made in relationships, but that is not where I want to go today. What I do want to say is that lately, the Holy Spirit has been convicting me about how I am still allowing the world's view to influence my thoughts and sometimes even my actions.

I am sick to my stomach realizing how I have carried this distorted view of sex and what it means about me as a person, a woman, a wife, with me through these years. Giving up bits and pieces, but holding onto it still, not quite wanting to let it go. The part of me that still holds onto that idea of beauty = sexy.

I've struggled with this, like I said, since I was in middle school. What girl doesn't want to be beautiful? So obviously beauty has quite often dominated my thinking. God has taught me so much over the years, of what true beauty really means. But even knowing that, doesn't always mean I think like that. And it doesn't always mean I act like that.

I find that I am continually having to renew my mind with Scripture in this area, as the Holy Spirit convicts me of yet another way I am allowing it to seep back in. There are times I have to remove myself from a place, turn a channel, put down a magazine, etc. I have to make conscious decisions to put the thought out of my mind and think about what God sees as beauty. This is not always easy. The world pummels us over with this idea of being sexy.

But SEX IS NOT JUST ABOUT LUSTFUL DESIRES!

Even Christians often have this misunderstanding about what sex is and why it was created and how to enjoy it properly. I'm not just talking about understanding that it was created for the context of a heterosexual marriage relationship, but even what it means given that context.

I had a professor recently who puts it this way (might not be an exact quote), "Sex is a ministry to your spouse." It was created as a way to minister to your husband or wife in love. Hearing that just turned a lightbulb on as far as a good way for me to describe what Scripture says about sex (1 Cor. 7:3-4) and a good way for me to put into perspective society's push towards "being sexy".

Society views sex as simply lustful. It is all about desire and arousal. Feeding the desires of the flesh. The push for women (and girls) to be "sexy" is to pursuit arousing that desire and lust in the men around you. As though they need some sort of help doing that (am I right guys?). I'm not going to go into the implications this has on our guys, except to say that it only makes their struggle that much worse, especially when women in the church have bought into this idea. I'm sure I have not always helped them by some of the things I've worn. But my push here is for women to understand how this can affect even the seemingly smaller decisions we make. Things like why we get a certain haircut, or walk a certain way, do our make-up a certain way, why we exercise, how we choose to eat, etc. Guys may not always notice, but how many of us do some of these things with that thought of being sexy behind it? I admit, I sometimes do.

Increasingly, my perspective has been changing over the years as I better understand it from Scripture and as I continue to put off thoughts formed by the world's perspective and replace them with what I know God says about this subject. But I had to come to see this as sin. I had to learn a new worldview. I still have to choose to use it. And I have to continually make the choice to not allow it to dominate my thinking. I don't always do that, I admit.

Now, I debate about clicking on that publish post button that means this will forever be floating around in cyberspace, but I know I am not the only one who struggles with this issue as a woman (1 Cor. 10:13) and I hope my honesty and forthcoming about it will help someone else. I am taking a risk of vulnerability sharing this with all of you, and can only ask for your prayers and loving accountability.

Some insight into my mind

So many things to write about, not enough time or energy to get to them all. Only other writers know how frustrating this is, or others with memory issues, as we do not want to lose it and not be able to get it back.

Here is what goes through my mind as decide what to write:

"Oh, this topic that I am learning about is really interesting and I would like to share that with others, or what about this, or this that I've been wrestling with, but how much do I want to really share, do I lay it all out there, how much should I hold back? I want others to see me as open and vulnerable so that they feel safe to be vulnerable as well, but I don't know if I really want others to know my struggles in this area. Is it because I want them to see me as better than I really am? Truth is, maybe. I don't want to air out all my dirty laundry, but I want to tell someone. I desperately want to tell someone. But I don't think I can speak it. It would be much easier to write this, but i don't want to tell everyone. Who can I tell? Forget it. I'll just write about this instead. But should I really write about that issue? Some people are really going to be offended. How can I say it in a loving, but to the point way? Should I even be caring about stepping on their toes if I am trying to communicate truth? Yes, I should, so how can I do this tactfully? Wait, now I don't have time to fully write about that. Ugh, maybe I'll get to write something later. Just wish I could say what I really want to say. Without fear and without the tears from holding back."