Let me start by saying, as much as I was looking forward to having this baby to hold in my arms and finding out if we were having a boy or a girl, I was not looking forward to experiencing any pain during the labor process. I know, I was being a little ridiculous and selfish, but I was actually praying that this labor would be a "piece of cake". I had even told my husband that if it wasn't going extremely easy than I was going to get an epidural. He thought I was being crazy because he knows how much I hate needles and epidurals terrify me.
I kept saying it anyway. In fact, I said it so much, I had pretty much convinced myself that if I had any pain, I should just get the epidural because I was just too tired to deal with any amount of pain.
Contractions started weeks ago. Here and there, some nasty, some more bearable. This last Friday, they were pretty close together and getting worse, so we thought we should go in and just make sure since I was past my due date at this point anyway. Well, we went in and they checked me, had us walk around for an hour and then checked me again. They told us nothing was going on, it was just a false alarm and that I should keep my next appointment, because I was probably going to have to schedule an induction. At this point, and for the last 4 weeks, they told me the baby was head down. Then they sent us home.
Josh and I put the kids to bed and decided to watch a movie together. I was still having pains and contractions, so I reclined on the couch with my heating pads trying to get them to stop. The contractions were finally calming down, but I had some sharp pains in my stomach. After we had been home for two hours, my water broke.
We definitely knew for sure we were in labor this time. So we called the dr. and waited for our sitter to come back and prepared to head to the hospital. I was already exhausted. I started getting anxious about how intense this labor might be and was praying yet again that it would be easy.
At this point, I began diverting my attention to what I knew was going to be my focal point for this labor - a song from one of the Seeds Family Worship cds we got our kids for Easter. These cds are Scripture put to music and a couple weeks before baby was due, we had been listening to this particular song and I just knew it was the one that would stick with me.
"He alone is my rock and my salvation. He is my fortress I will never be shaken." This is Psalm 62:2
The funny part was, since the moment my water broke, I couldn't stop shaking. Focusing on this song was helping me to calm down enough to stop the shaking.
Anyway, we got to the hospital and they put me in a labor and delivery room and told me to get ready so they can check out what's going on, how far along in the process we were and what not. So I did. The midwife came in and checked me and said, "Well, that's interesting. There's a foot in your cervix. I'ld say we have a footling breech and you're going to have a c-section." All I could manage to say was, "When?" She replied, "Right now."
I got scared. I've never had a c-section and I wasn't really sure what to think about having to have one. I kept going back to my focal point. It cleared my head and I began to think about it. I had been saying for a month that I wanted this labor to be pretty much painless. It finally occurred to me, God was answering my prayer. All my talking about getting an epidural had actually prepared me to not be scared when it came down to the fact I actually had to have one. While having surgery was still a little scary, I realized, I wasn't going to be able to feel any pain during this process.
Less than two hours after I got to the hospital the second time, Titus was born. I laid on a table, pretty much half asleep the whole time. Partly enjoying the strangeness of it all.
It was an experience. In fact, it was kind of interesting. Yes, the recovery is a lot more difficult, but it is forcing me to take it easy.
As I look at this whole process from before baby was due to now, I can see how God has been looking out for me. He heard me cry out and he answered me. (Psalm 120:1 - "In my trouble I cried to the Lord and He answered me.")
I had been crying out to the Lord for a while now, that I needed a rest. He heard my cry and I want to share with you all the ways He answered that for me.
- Earlier this year, it was determined that I would not be able to go out to California for my summer classes because of when the baby was due.
- After that first point, I planned to take a class at home, but that also did not work out for financial reasons.
- During the summer, our schedule is usually jammed packed with swimming lessons, safety town and other fun activities. This year the schedule just was not working out for us, so we did not sign up for anything and have just been enjoying a relaxing summer together as a family.
- Josh usually goes back to work the day after I come home from the hospital, and I was not wanting that to happen this year. After having the c-section, he couldn't go back to work right away, so I get to enjoy him over this holiday weekend : )
- There are some things that I committed to doing, even though I knew I probably shouldn't, that now I had to step away from, with much relief.
It's not easy for me to take a break from the activity of life to just rest and enjoy the little things, but I knew that's what I needed, and God knew too, because despite me trying to ignore it, He made sure it happened.
While recovery is taking longer than usual, I am recovering well. And I'm thankful that my God hears me and He answers me and He knows my needs even more than I do.